


Bruised not yet broken

by Superwholock88



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abused Draco Malfoy, Abused Harry, Angst and Feels, Child Abuse, Date Rape Drug/Roofies, Domestic Violence, Eventual Happy Ending, Family, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Nice Draco Malfoy, Non-Consensual Touching, Past Sexual Abuse, Recovery, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Victim Blaming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-05-05
Packaged: 2018-10-28 10:17:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10829241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Superwholock88/pseuds/Superwholock88
Summary: Harry is excited to go to Hogwarts, learn more about being a wizard but he also has secrets. He knows he's not a good person or that's what his family has told him at least. Can he be saved or is too broken?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, I've now rewritten the first 3 chapters and I hope they are at least a little better than before. If there's a tag that needs to be added please let me know.

Harry sighed as he lay on his side in the second bedroom of Number Four Privet Drive. He guiltily enjoyed being in the bedroom instead of the cupboard he'd been raised in. A week ago he'd had the best birthday of his life and was excited to learn that all the odd things that had happened around him were not because he was a freak but because he was a wizard.

Most of Harry’s life all he’d known was pain but in three weeks time he would get to be with others like himself, at least for the school year. He just had to survive that long. One would think that an easy feat but Harry tended to be a magnet for trouble, at least in his uncle's eyes. Slowly he rolled to lay flat, hissing softly as his welted back came into contact with the rough sheet below. He flipped onto his other side to relief the pain.

Currently he was supposed to be thinking about what he had done to earn his punishment but Harry was unsure of the correct answer. He mentally ran through the day.

He'd cooked breakfast perfectly, not even burning a single slice of bacon. Nothing wrong there. He’d then started on his chores for the day. Scrubbing the kitchen floor, check. Dusting the living room, check. Cleaning the toilet from top to bottom, check. Weeding the garden, check.

He sighed and allowed a lone tear to trickle down his face. He’d be facing a second punishment if he didn’t figure it out soon.

“Why do I have to be such a screw-up” Harry murmurs to his new owl. He sat up suddenly, cringing at the sudden movement. He knew exactly what he'd done to earn his uncle's wrath. It was not a moment too soon as the doorknob turned and his uncle entered.

“Well boy, have you figured it out yet or do you need another round with my belt.” His uncle demanded.

“No sir I mean yes sir I figured out what I did wrong.” Harry stutters out, his hands shaking slightly.

“Well that's surprising considering your tiny brain ” Uncle Vernon chuckles but then narrows his eyes. “So what was your crime this time, boy” he continues.

“Well sir I realized that Hedwig, my owl sir, has been locked up all week and hasn't had a chance to fly around so while I was doing chores she may have been a bit loud, I'm sorry Uncle” Harry rambles out in one breath. He tenses waiting for the response.

“Hmm right you are, stupid little shit. I told you unless you want that owl to disappear completely you'd better shut it up” Vernon roars, his anger returning again.

Harry shakes in response. “Yes sir, I understand. If I may sir, she really needs time to be able to stretch out her wings if I could please let her out just for a bit she may be quieter.” Harry pleads. He is unprepared for the sharp slap to the face that knocks him to the floor.

“DO YOU THINK I'M DUMB. YOU’LL JUST USE IT TO SEND SOME SECRET MESSAGE TO THOSE OTHER FREAKS” his uncle thunders above him.

Harry curls into himself to avoid more hits. “No sir, I promise I wouldn't. What if I just let her fly around inside the room” Harry begs softly.

“I suppose that would be alright, but if you dare send any kind of message I'll beat you every night until you leave, do you understand me, boy!” Uncle Vernon menaces.

Harry nods frantically his heart thumping wildly in his chest. “Yes sir, I understand. Thank you sir” he tries hard to steady his breathing. Hedwig hoots about the room softly after her cage is unlocked and opened.

“I believe going to bed without dinner should be a sufficient end to this punishment.” Uncle Vernon declares.

Harry merely nods in response. He’d not been given lunch either but knows it could be worse.

Somehow Harry manages to stay out of trouble, with a few exceptions, the next three weeks.

Uncle Vernon came up to his room the night before he was to leave. Harry was unsurprised to see the belt hanging from his fat hand.

“What have I done this time, Uncle” Harry asks softly earning a blow across the face.

“As if I need a reason, turn around and get that damn shirt out of my way” Uncle Vernon screams. Harry obeys and stays as quiet as he can until it’s over. At least he doesn’t feel any blood this time.

“Now remember this every time you think about telling anyone about our punishments, they stay between family, understand” He spews, specks of spit landing on Harry's face as he grabs him by the shirt.

Harry nods fervently. “Yes sir, Uncle” he says though he doesn’t quite understand, isn’t everyone treated this way.

\- You're a screw-up, you always get into trouble-   
\- You should be grateful Uncle doesn’t want anyone to know how bad of a kid you are-

Harry sighs knowing the voice in his head is right.

BNB

The next morning Harry is relieved when they actually drive to King's Cross.

“Get the hell out of here and remember what I told you” Uncle Vernon growls after throwing his trunk out of the boot of the car, making sure to look around, seeing if anyone was watching.

Harry walks to platforms nine and ten, standing there confused.

\- It was all a joke, you're really just a freak and now your family has gotten rid of you –

His inner voice chimes in. He wills himself not to cry. He thinks about asking the attendant for help.

\- Do you want to be put in a crazy house, cause that’s what will happen if you dare to ask –   
\- Maybe you should just jump in front of one of the trains, do everyone a favor –   
\- Are you gonna cry, don’t be a wuss –   
His inner musing is interrupted by a group of red headed people.

“Come on, hurry now, don’t want to miss the train to Hogwarts” The woman says and Harry tries to watch as the first three boys disappear.

Still not understanding Harry takes a deep breath and steps forward.

“Er excuse me ma'am sorry to interrupt but uh could you tell me how to uh well” Harry begins trailing off unsure of what to say.

“How to get through to the Hogwarts train?” she finishes for him.

“Yes please” Harry says glancing up with a smile.

“Not a problem dearie, you just run straight at the barrier between nine and ten.” She begins. “Best do it at run if your nervous” she continues upon seeing his worried look.

“Thank you ma'am” Harry answers and does as she said breathing a sigh of relief when it works.

Two identical red headed boys from before approach him. Harry freezes, afraid they might harm him.

“Hey do you need some help with your trunk” one asks, his voice light and carefree.  
  
Harry risks a glance at them seeing neither giving him the normal look of disgust. “Um sure, thank you” he answers, flinching when they both move towards him, but they only grab his trunk and heave it onto the train.

“I’m Fred” one says smiling. “And I am George” the other says.

“Hi, I’m Harry” Harry offers before getting onto the train. He hears them talking behind him.

“Do you think” Fred begins

“It has to be” George finishes.

“Mum, guess who that boy was” Fred asks the older woman who has approached with the younger boy and girl.

“Who” she asks

“It was Harry Potter” George answers excitedly.

Harry hurries into a compartment not wanting to know what else they would say. He remembers Hagrid saying he was famous but he hadn’t thought he'd be talked about by other kids.

The youngest boy of the red headed crew opens the door to the compartment.

“Is it alright if I sit here” he asks.

Harry nods.

“Are, are you really Harry Potter” he asks nervously.

“Yeah” Harry answers cautiously.

The other boy grins. “I'm Ron, Ron Weasley. My brothers said you were scared of them earlier. They can be a bit much sometimes” The boy now named Ron replies.

Harry smiles a little and they talk amicably. Harry buys all sorts of candies and goodies and shares them with Ron hoping he's right that he's actually made a friend for once.

BNB

Harry is happy to see Hagrid waiting as they exit the train and he loves the ride across the lake, taking in everything around him.

Harry is glad he's not the only one nervous about the sorting. He tries to stay well away from the boy named Draco who reminded him a bit of Dudley though much smaller than his cousin.

\- Makes it easier to catch you –

His brain supplies. He shakes his head to clear it from those thoughts.

He takes note that the Hermione girl from the train is sorted into Gryffindor and Draco into Slytherin. He takes a deep breath before walking up to the stool.

“Hmm interesting” the hat mutters.

“Please sort me, don’t make me leave” Harry whispers.

“Hush child, you'll be sorted. Perhaps Slytherin” the hat suggests.

Harry’s heart pounds furiously at the thought of being near the boy like Dudley.

“P,please no” Harry whimpers.

“Oh dear well if not there how about” the hat begins then shouts “Gryffindor”

Harry sighs in relief and goes to join the table. He bites down on yelps and groans of pain as members of his House slap him on the back in congratulations.

He claps with the others when Ron is sorted into the same House.

“This is so much food” Harry says while stuffing his face. The candy from earlier had only gone so far and he's used to days without food.

“I know, I only see this much at Christmas dinners” Ron says. Harry begins to store some food away for when he inevitably messes up and gets punished.

“You don’t have to save any for later, each meal will be this way” Hermione tells Harry upon seeing him.

“Well what if I were to get into trouble, I might need to save some for then” Harry tries to explain.

“That won’t happen here, they don’t use food as a punishment” she promises.

Harry nods and puts the food back, not seeing the look of concern that crosses Hermione’s face.

BNB

Once up in the dorm room Harry worries about others seeing his back. He doesn’t want anyone to know how bad of a screw up he is so he slips into the bathroom to change.  
The bed is even more comfortable than the one he used at the Dursleys. He is surprised by falling asleep nearly as soon as his face hits the pillow. His dreams are not quite as lucky.

_“You know you’re just a stupid screw up come out and face your punishment like you know you deserve,” Uncle bellows. Harry is stiff hiding beneath the cabinet. He hadn’t meant to turn his teacher’s hair blue, it just happened. Bright light pierces his eyes as he’s found and drug out by his hair._

Harry awakes in a cold sweat with Ron standing over him.

“You alright mate, you were screaming” he says

“Oh I’m sorry I was just dreaming about my parents” Harry lies easily.

“It’s ok, no worries” Ron says and goes back to his bed.

BNB

Things go smoothly until Professor Snape’s class where Harry’s stutter decides to take over. He'd been trying hard, writing down everything the professor said, when the man got angry with him.

“S-s-s-sorry, p-pr-professor, I don’t know” Harry mutters out for what seems like the billionth time but is only three times. He's terrified the man is going to slap him. He flinches when he approaches him. The man explains what the answer is to each question making Harry feel even worse.

\- Your uncle was right, you’re just a stupid, worthless, good for nothing, piece of trash.-  
\- At least one teacher recognizes how stupid you are –   
\- Maybe he'll make sure you get kicked out –  
  
Harry's inner voice supplies as he’s walking away from Potions class.

“It’s unfair of him to pick on you like that, it’s not like anyone else knew the answers except Hermione, of course” Ron says interrupting his train of self hate.

“I should have read more though, maybe then I’d have the answers” Harry argues.

“I don’t know about that but him acting like you enjoy being famous is just stupid. You never try and use it to your advantage” Ron rants.

“I agree, you kind of seem to hide away from it actually” Hermione says coming up from behind them.

Harry smiles a little but doesn’t say anything. It’s nice to have friends.

BNB

Of course it takes less than a week for him to find serious trouble and of course it involves Draco.

“Come with me, Potter” Professor McGonagall tells him.

Harry clenches and opens his fists repeatedly to keep the panic at bay.

“May I borrow Wood” McGonagall asks of another professor and Harry feels like fainting, he's never really been hit with a stick but he imagines it can do just as much damage as the belt or perhaps more. He opens his mouth to beg when a young man comes out. He’s momentarily confused but thinks perhaps she's going to have him administer his punishment.

Once in an empty classroom he prepares himself for punishment. He takes several deep breaths not hearing what the other two are saying.

“Harry, did you hear me” McGonagall asks becoming concerned as she takes in the shaking boy in front of her.

Harry snaps to attention. “Sorry Ma'am, I didn’t hear you” he nearly whispers, his head bowed low, expecting a hit that never lands.

“I was explaining to Mr. Wood that you would be the new Gryffindor seeker.” McGonagall re-explains, noting the confusion on the younger's face. “Normally misbehavior is not rewarded but this is a special case, ok” she inquires gently, breathing in relief as Harry finally relaxes. She makes note to pay closer attention to him as she doesn't like the signs she's currently seeing.

“Yes Ma'am, thank you Ma'am” Harry says, his legs feel like jelly as he walks back to the dorm. He’s very unsure of how he managed to get out of trouble but he’s extremely grateful and resolves to be as well behaved as possible especially after the professor bought him a broom.

BNB

Before he knows it Halloween is upon them. Harry is nearly shaking with fear when the Professors find them over the troll’s unconscious body.

“This is it I’m going to get it now” he thinks especially with the way Snape is glaring at them. He’s shocked when Hermione steps up and takes the blame and even more so when she gets off with a scolding and points lost. He pulls her aside as they walk out of the bathroom.

“You shouldn’t have covered for us like that, what if you got into trouble” Harry rebukes his breath still coming in unsteady puffs.

“Well then I suppose I would have had to serve a detention, what are you so worried about” Hermione questions growing concerned by how upset Harry seems to be.

“Would that be all that happened, just detention, no smacking” Harry asks giving voice to his deepest fear.

“What, no of course not, no one here is going to hit us.” Hermione gasps, dots connecting in her head. “Does that happen at you house” she inquires.

“What, no I just heard that might happen here is all” Harry lies, his heart suddenly rabbiting in his chest as he recalls his uncle's words.

Hermione starts to say something when Ron bursts between them and hurries them along to the common room before they do earn detentions.

BNB

The next day after Transfiguration Hermione stays behind to speak with McGonagall.

“What can I do for you, Miss Granger” McGonagall asks

“Well Ron and I are worried about Harry” Hermione begins.

“What do you mean, has something happened” McGonagall questions in concern.

“Not here, just I, well, really we think that maybe he gets hurt at home” Hermione tells her and then explains all the things they had noticed.

“Thank you Miss Granger for bringing this to my attention, I will talk with Professor Dumbledore and check into things. You're a very good friend” McGonagall praises.

Hermione nods and tells Ron when Harry goes to take a shower.

BNB

Harry loves Quidditch and is happy to have something he's good at even though he nearly dies during his first game.

“I can’t believe it but I know what I saw. He was definitely muttering a spell” Hermione says when the three are gathered in the library.

“So he's after the Stone and wants Harry dead. Great. I guess it explains why he's so horrible to him in classes” Ron surmises.

“We just have to keep an eye on him for now. There’s not much else we can do” Harry tells them.

They tell Hagrid of their concern but he dismisses it and tells them to forget what they know.

BNB

Christmas rolls around and Harry is shocked to find actual presents for himself. His favorite by far is the invisibility cloak, at least until he’s caught out by none other than Professor Dumbledore. He’s pleasantly surprised both by not getting into trouble and that the professor is the one to have given him the cloak.

BNB

Harry is relieved to have gotten Hagrid's dragon safely away and ready for bed.

“I’m glad that went well” Hermione whispers as they come down the stairs and face to face with the caretaker, Mr. Filch.

Harry is shaking by the time Filch drops them off in McGonagall’s office.

“Harry, you have to calm down. Just breathe” Hermione tells him urgently.

Harry realizes he's making small whimpering sounds as he tries hard to breathe normally. His chest burns and he feels hot. He flinches when McGonagall enters followed by Neville.

“Both of you should be ashamed of yourselves. Not only pulling such a dangerous prank on Mr. Malfoy but Mr. Longbottom is one of your own and” McGonagall lectures, stopping when she sees Harry slump over, he'd passed out.

She sits him back up gently, now more concerned than angry. The concern grows exponentially when Harry comes back to consciousness.

“No don't, I’m sorry” he cries, arms flying up to cover his face. Hermione and Neville look to her in concern.

“Harry, you are safe here, no one will harm you” McGonagall says softly.

Harry lowers his arms and looks around, face turning red in embarrassment.

“I'm sorry” he whispers.

“It’s quite alright, Mr. Potter. If I may ask, what frightened you to the point of such panic” McGonagall asks.

“You’re angry, ma'am. I don’t know what punishment is coming” Harry tells her, voice trembling.

McGonagall looks at him for a long second before sighing. She’d be speaking with Dumbledore in the morning to see what he'd found out about the boy's home life.

“Well I’m certainly not going to harm you, no one here will do such things. However I will be taking 50 points each and you will be serving a detention.” She tells them before escorting them back to the their tower.

The next morning she's up early and in the headmaster office. He arrives shortly afterwards.

“Minerva, what can I do for you” he asks, eyes sparkling. She tells him what happened the previous night.

“Well I’ve spoken with his uncle and I don’t believe there is cause for concern. He did mention having to use corporal punishment on the boy, turns out he's quite the trouble maker” Dumbledore tells her chuckling slightly.

“Are you sure, Albus? That boy was terrified enough to pass out. If he's that afraid of punishments perhaps there’s more to it” McGonagall questions.

“While I may not agree with his relatives way of discipline he is safe there, the blood wards assure that” Dumbledore reminds.

McGonagall sighs but nods. Surely he'd have picked up on abusive behavior.

BNB

It’s been a week since Harry, Hermione and Neville lost so many points and Harry has started jumping at shadows. Everyone was angry with him and several had taken it out with their fists.

He found himself caught by an older Gryffindor and Ravenclaw on the way to Potions.

He lay curled in a ball waiting for them to finish, he never fought back.

\- This is what you deserve –   
\- You should be grateful they're actually punishing you. –   
\- Stupid little shit you always cause people trouble –

Harry nearly cries as his inner voice meshes with what the two older students are screaming.

“HEY” two voices yell and the two hitting Harry run off.

Gentle hands help Harry stand.

“Are you alright” Fred asks.

Harry shrugs not saying anything. He flinches as a hand comes towards his face.

“Whoa there, we won’t hurt you, Harry” George says reaching again to tilt Harry’s face up.

“Come on, we'll take you to Madam Pomfrey to get checked out.” Fred tells him placing a hand on his shoulder.

“What, no! I have to get to Potions” Harry exclaims wildly.

“Harry, mate you could be injured. That’s a good enough excuse for missing class” George assures him.

Harry shakes his head frantically.

“Ok, alright, we'll take you to class then” Fred says. Harry sighs in relief.

“Is this the first time this has happened, Harry” Fred asks as they walk.

“No” Harry tells him.

“Why haven’t you said anything” George gasps.

“I deserve it, I lost the house cup for us” Harry answers honestly.

Fred starts to say something but they've reached the classroom. Harry goes inside quickly.

“How nice of you to gift us with your presence, Potter. Sit down and I will see you tonight for detention” Snape spews.

Harry sighs and nods. He ignores the burning in his side that usually accompanies broken ribs.

Fred and George are waiting when class ends.

“Come on, now you can go to the infirmary” George orders.

“Why does he need the infirmary” Hermione asks.

“Because we caught two guys beating the snot out of him in the hallway” Fred explains angrily.

“He said it’s not the first time either” George adds.

Ron rounds on Harry. “Is this why you refuse to walk with us to class” he demands angrily. Harry flinches away and he sighs. “Sorry mate, I’m not angry with you.” He promises.

Harry shrugs and the group trudged to the infirmary.

Madam Pomfrey kicks them all out to examine Harry.

“Can I keep my shirt on” Harry begs not wanting her to see the scars on his back. Everyone already knows he's a bad kid.

“I suppose so, just lift it up let me see your ribs” Madam Pomfrey tells him. She turns at the bruised torso but moves about healing him up.

“I don’t suppose you'll tell me who did this” she asks once he’s all patched up.

“I don’t know who they we’re, ma'am” he tells her.

“Ok, I will be reporting this to Professor Dumbledore. We do not condone violence here. If it happens again, tell a professor” Madam Pomfrey lectures.

“Yes ma'am” Harry answers before being dismissed.

Four anxious faces greet him and speak over each other.

“Are you ok” Hermione asks

“Why didn’t you say something” Ron blurts

“You're not walking to class alone any more” Fred demands

“Why didn’t you tell Snape why you were late” George asks.

Harry takes a step back, feeling overwhelmed.

“Sorry Harry” Hermione says silencing the others with a glare.

“No I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset everyone” Harry admits, afraid he's lost his only friends.

“It’s ok, Harry. We'll take care of you, we aren't upset at you.” George promises. True to their word they accompany Harry everywhere.

Ron sits with him sympathetically when he throws up all of his dinner before heading to the detention with Snape. George walks him to Snape's office.

He’s shaking slightly as he knocks on the office door and flinches when it swings open.

Snape looks him over and motions him to follow before turning down the hall. “Clean all of these cauldrons out and then you may go, Potter” Snape spews and leaves the room his robes flowing behind him.

Harry is used to menial work and is so into the scrubbing he doesn’t hear the professor return.

“How’s” Snape begins but stops as Harry flinches and cowers below him. He freezes for a moment lost in his own childhood. He snaps back upon hearing Harry speak softly.  
  
“I’m sorry” he merely whispers uncurling a bit.

“You’re finished with detention, go” Snape tells Harry.

“But I haven’t finished” Harry begins.

“Get out of my sight” he snaps and Harry runs for it.

Snape takes a moment to compose himself before heading determinedly to speak with Dumbledore.

“Severus, to what do I owe this visit” Dumbledore asks his eyes sparkling.

“It has come to my attention that Potter may be being abused” Snape exclaims in one breath.

Dumbledore's eyes lost their sparkle. “Severus I will tell you as I have the others, Harry would have said something if he were being hurt at home and I gave checked it out for myself.” He says as if scolding him for thinking such a thing.

Snape tries to contain his rage. “ Children do not just flinch and curl into a ball as I just witnessed him do” he reasons coolly.

Dumbledore sighs. “Perhaps the boy is simply afraid of you, it is well known that you do not like him” He tries.

Snape feels sick at the implication that he's capable of hurting a child. “I would never harm a child” he fumed.

Dumbledore holds up a placating hand. “I know this, Severus; however, Harry does not. I’ll talk to him, make sure everything is ok with his home life, but remember those blood wards are his best protection.” He explains.

Snape sighs but nods before heading to his own quarters to get some rest hoping that if Harry er, Potter was being abused that Dumbledore would do the right thing.

BNB

It isn’t long after that before Harry is summoned to Dumbledore’s office. His heart is pounding as he wipes sweaty palms against his robes.

“You aren't in any trouble, Harry.” Dumbledore explains, smiling as Harry relaxes. “A few of the professors and your friends have brought me some concerns. “ Do either your aunt or uncle abuse you” He asks.

Harry finds this an odd question, they’ve punished him sure but that’s not abuse, right? He thinks. “No sir they do not” he answers.

Dumbledore sighs and stares at Harry long enough to make him uncomfortable before nodding. “Alright well then just as a reminder, the only punishment you’ll earn here is detention where you may be cleaning or doing extra work, no one here will physically harm you and if they do you are to report it immediately to me ok, Harry” Dumbledore insists.

Harry nods and is allowed to leave.

BNB

Harry is happy to see they’ll be serving their detentions for night wandering with Hagrid though he wishes it wasn't with Draco.

He sighs but doesn't complain when Hagrid has him switch with Neville to search with Malfoy.

“So I heard a rumor about you, Potter” Draco says with a smirk.

Harry rolls his eyes, by this point he's quite used to the random stories that get started.  
  
“I heard you passed out with McGonagall when you got caught out of bed the other night.” Draco continues tauntingly.

Harry stays silent and wonders just how he got that information.

“Ha, you did. I knew it. I overheard Longbottom and Granger talking, they seem to think your home life is bad” Draco explains.

“It’s none of your business, why do you care anyway” Harry asks hotly.

“I don't care! I just wanted to see if you would be a whiny little baby about it.” Draco mocks before pinning Harry to a tree with his arms.

Harry goes stiff and hears the whispers of another voice in the back of his head.

**Just stay still and do what I say or I’ll tell Dad you did something**

He lets out a shaky breath but otherwise tries not to provoke the other boy.

“What the hell are you playing at Potter. You aren’t actually scared of me are you” Draco asks trying to sound amused though feeling a bit freaked out. 

“No, I’ll do whatever you want, just don’t tell him” Harry begs unable to separate from the flashback prodding his brain.

Draco immediately takes several steps backwards, face pale suddenly.

Harry shakes his head to clear it from memories and glances at Draco. Neither seem to know what to say.

Harry sees more unicorn blood and points it out, glad for the distraction.

He's terrified when they come across the creature drinking unicorn blood. His scar hurts more than it ever has. Draco runs off and Harry thinks he's actually going to die before being saved by a Centaur.

Harry tells Ron what had happened and how the Centaur has hinted at it being Voldemort.

He's unsure how he gets through exams with the constant headaches and nightmares. Surprisingly it's Neville who talks with him when he wakes up screaming.

“Do, Do you remember your parents dying” the boy asks nervously one night after waking Harry up from a dream.

“I think so but not always, sometimes it’s other stuff. Lately its been about Vold- er You Know Who” Harry admits.

“I’m sorry. You know how I live with my grandmother right” Neville questions.

Harry nods.

“Well that’s because my parents are in St. Mungo’s, wizard hospital” Neville begins. “They were tortured to the point of insanity. Grandmother says I was too young to remember it but sometimes I dream about them just screaming and someone else laughing hysterically.” Neville admits, his eyes tearing up.

“That’s awful Neville. I’ve never heard you wake from a nightmare though, do you have them here?” Harry pries gently, laying one of his hands over Neville's.

“Yes, I just somehow learned to keep it quiet. Grandmother hates to be disturbed at night and she would lock me in the cupboard if I woke her so I don’t know how but I just managed to quietly wake up” Neville admits.

“Being locked in a cupboard is not fun. I had to stay in mine for two weeks after I accidentally let a snake loose” Harry admits.  
  
“You let a snake loose” Neville questions.

Harry tells him about his cousin's birthday and how he'd done accidental magic.

“Uncle was so angry, he punished me four days in a row for it” Harry says casually.

“Um Harry when you say he punished you, what do you mean?” Neville asks.

“Promise not to tell anyone” Harry begs.

Neville nods.

“I, well usually he just whips me, but if I’m especially bad he hits and kicks at me. I’m not a very good kid so he has to punish me a lot. I’m not supposed to tell because then everyone will know how bad I am” Harry explains.

“I don’t think you’re a bad kid, Harry. My grandmother is the same sometimes. Not with hitting, she just whips me with a switch or belt. But most of the time I just have to sit in the cupboard.” Neville admits.

“Do you ever wonder why they don’t do those things here” Harry asks.

“Yeah but it’s kinda nice really. I’m not looking forward to the summer.” Neville admits.

“Me either” Harry tells him with a yawn. Neville gets up as he’d been sitting on Harry's bed.

“We’d better try to get some sleep the last of our exams are tomorrow” he says.

Harry nods and falls asleep somewhat easily.

He feels a deep urgency after exams are done.

“I think Snape is going to try and steal the Stone tonight” he determines after he, Ron and Hermione talk with Hagrid about the stranger that have him the dragon egg.

“We have to tell someone. Let’s go to Dumbledore” Hermione suggests but that plan is aborted when McGonagall tells them he's gone away.

“I have to stop him. I’ll use the cloak tonight” Harry determines.

“Are you crazy you can’t face Snape, plus you could get expelled” Hermione complains.

“I don’t care. I have to stop Voldemort from coming back, I have to” Harry insists.

“Ok but will the cloak cover all three of us” Ron asks.

“What” Harry asks.

“We're your friends Harry, we won’t let you do this alone” Hermione avows.

Harry sighs wanting to argue but seeing it would be pointless.

He feels absolutely awful for what they do to Neville but promises to himself he’ll explain later.

They make it through the first two tasks with no major problems but when the chess game takes Ron out Harry feels guilt bubble up.

\- Do you really think your worth more than him –   
\- So selfish, he could die –   
\- It’s all your fault –

He covers up a choked sob as a cough but Hermione still looks at him in suspicion. Once she figures out the riddle Harry tells her to go back. She squeezes his hand gently.

“I believe in you Harry, you’re a great wizard” she says.

“Uh no, I’m not. You’re the amazing one, all I’m good at is Quidditch” Harry argues.

“Nope, don’t believe it. Harry, you really are a great wizard. Just be careful please” she begs and then she drinks her potion and steps back through the flames. Harry drinks his and steps through to face Snape.

Or not.

Quirrel.

He'd tried to kill him, while Snape had tried to save him.

Harry's mind is reeling.

He’s terrified but refuses to show it.

The voice from the back of Quirrel’s head creeps him out and he knows who it must be.

He prepares for the pain of a beating that never truly comes, though the pain in his head is nearly worse than that he fights until he can no longer and passes out letting darkness take him.

Dumbledore explains everything that had happened and then they end up winning the house cup. Harry feels it’s been a pretty good year and hates that he has to go back to the Dursleys. He's quiet as they exit onto King's Cross.

Hermione wraps her arms around him as they get off the train.

“What are you doing” Harry asks quizzically.

  
“I’m hugging you, if that’s ok” she tells him.

“Oh this is what a hug feels like, it’s nice” Harry says. Hermione squeezes once more before letting go, a concerned look on her face.

“What’s that look for” Ron asks as Harry walks away towards his uncle.

“I just gave Harry his first ever hug; he didn’t even know what it was until I told him” Hermione says sadly.

“Dumbledore talked to him though remember, maybe his family isn’t the hugging type. I’m sure he’ll be ok.” Ron says but even he’s not sure he believes it.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Harry wakes the morning of his birthday feeling quite miserable. Not one of his friends have sent letters to him. He's beginning to believe they don't want him around anymore.

Tonight is Uncle Vernon's special dinner and he’s been relegated to his room. The month hasn't been too horrible. Since his relatives are unaware he's not allowed magic, he hasn't been punished once. Instead they just ignore him, Dudley, is too afraid to even stay in the same room, which comes as a relief. After his dinner of bread and cheese Harry is horrified to find a creature in his room. He puts the day down as the worst birthday yet when the warning against magic letter arrives spoiling his pain free summer.

Harry wakes on the floor of his bedroom after passing out during the punishment of the night before. He groans swallowing a few times to get rid of the cotton coating his tongue, his back screams in agony when he pushes upward to stand and make his way to the kitchen. He is serving breakfast to the family when a glass slips from his hand. He freezes for a moment too long. Uncle Vernon has him by the neck.

“Stupid, insolent boy, clean it up” he yells throwing him to the floor, glass shards cutting deep into Harry’s hands. Vernon lands a few kicks while Harry’s cleaning, once he finishes Uncle is waiting with the belt.

Harry panics a bit. “Please Uncle it was an accident, please don't” he begs. He receives a dark chuckle in response.

This time when he awakes he finds himself back in his room, the door firmly locked. Other than nightly beatings Harry is kept in his room. Dudley has made a couple of secret visits as well.

BNB

It has been two week since the glass incident and Harry was hungry from sharing one bowl of cold soup a day with Hedwig. He wakes up unsure why he is, until he sees a face peering though his window, it’s his friend Ron. He then sees a floating car and Fred and George alongside him.

“We’ve come to rescue you” Fred tells him not knowing how true that phrase had become. The twins sneak downstairs to get his trunk while Harry loads up what he has in his room which isn’t much and they’re off.

“What happened to your hands mate” Ron asks seeing the bloody bandages he’d put on.

‘I dropped a glass, got cut cleaning it up. They keep bleeding though” Harry says casually.

The brothers share a look but say nothing.

Once Mrs. Weasley is done reading the riot act to her own children she turns to Harry, who’s a bit scared now, but she’s gentle as she cleans his hands and bandages them properly.

BNB

Harry enjoys the next two weeks and is looking forward to school up until being caught by Snape after flying to the school. They’re now waiting in his office while he gets Professor McGonagall.

“I can’t be expelled” Ron whispers in a panic.

“It'll be ok” Harry manages. He knows it’s been two weeks since he was last punished so the marks are still there but if it saves Ron and he from expulsion, he can take it. His breathing shallows as the two professors enter.

After explaining why they had done what they did neither professor looks impressed.

“Please don’t expel us. I’ll take a punishment for us both, I promise I won’t complain” Harry pleads.

“You really think a detention is enough for this, Potter” Snape fumes.

“No sir, like a real punishment, I, I can take it” Harry continues though he is beginning to shake.

“And what pray tell does that entail” Snape muses angrily.

Harry sighs unsure of why the professor is dragging it out. He reaches down and pulls the belt from his own pants handing it the now shocked professor before sliding his robe off of his shoulders and taking his shirt off. He takes a deep breath and braces himself against the desk waiting.

There’s a long moment of silence before the room explodes.

Harry hears a choked sob and quickly turns around. He’s shocked to find it came from Professor McGonagall. Ron looks green. Snape is still standing in the same position he'd been in before Harry had moved.

“It's ok, Professor, it only hurts for a couple of days” Harry tries to assure McGonagall but looks on in horror as tears make their way down her face.

Snape seems to come back to life suddenly, dropping the belt as if it was burning his hand.

Harry deflates. “Please just do this, please” he begs.

The door opens revealing Dumbledore himself who takes in the scene before him solemnly. “Severus, if I may, what exactly has happened here” he asks.

“I thought you asked him about his home life” Snape snarls in response.

“I did Severus, again, what is going on” Dumbledore asks, taken aback by Snape's response.

“Allow me to ask him questions Albus, I believe you may have asked the wrong ones” Snape says and Dumbledore nods.

“Potter, eh Harry do you feel safe with your aunt and uncle” Snape asks and Harry sighs.

“No sir” he answers, his voice small.

“Do you receive punishment where you are physically hurt” Snape continues and a tear rolls down Harry’s cheek.

“Yes sir but only when I’m bad” Harry explains .

\- Good job they're really going to kick you out now, stupid pathetic little shit –

The voice supplies. Harry keeps his head low.

“Please turn around” Snape requests. Harry does as told flinching at the hand on his shoulder.

“What happened, my boy” Dumbledore asks solemnly.

“I was punished, sir. I ruined uncle's business dinner, on my birthday, then the day after broke a glass” Harry admits, keeping his eyes trained on the floor.

  
“Your birthday was at the end of July, that was a month ago, you shouldn’t still be this bruised” Snape countered.

“He was really angry so it happened every night until Ron showed up and brought me to his house” Harry answers shamefully.

“Are you hurt anywhere else, Harry” McGonagall finally chimes in.

“Just my ribs, I think they’re just bruised though” Harry answers confused as to why everyone is upset.

He tenses as McGonagall pulls him into her arms, hugging him.

“I don’t understand. Are we being expelled” Harry asks.

“No, you'll both serve detention for your actions but no one is going to beat you.” McGonagall answers spouting the words as if painful. No one objects.

“Would it be alright if we let Madam Pomfrey examine you” Snape asks.

“I guess so but why, they aren’t bleeding anymore” Harry questions and tenses as the adults all frown. “Sorry” he adds.

“Nothing to be sorry for Harry, let’s get you to the infirmary” Dumbledore says. “Minerva, could you make sure Mr. Weasley gets some food please” he adds.

McGonagall nods and leads Ron away as Snape and Dumbledore take Harry to the infirmary.

Madam Pomfrey gasps at the sight of his back but quickly sets to work rubbing some sort of salve on it. Harry is surprised by how much better it feels. He shrinks in on himself at the raised voices from the other side of the room.

“He never should have gone back to those despicable people” Snape hisses.

“Severus, I'm sorry, I did ask him about his home, I do not know why he would lie” Dumbledore admits.

Snape sighs. “He probably didn't. What did you ask him, Albus” Snape questions, his voice calming some.

“I asked if they abused him, he said no” Dumbledore explains.

“Albus you saw him just now, he thinks it’s just punishment of course he won’t say it’s abuse. He can’t go back” Snape demands.

“The blood wards” Dumbledore begins

“Mean absolutely nothing if the boy doesn’t call the place home” Snape cuts him off suddenly glancing over and realizing Harry has been listening. He stalks towards him, slowing down when he stiffens.

“Sorry” Harry mutters as Snape steps next to the bed he is sitting on.

“It's alright Potter. You aren’t in trouble. Am I correct in believing you don't think your relatives abuse you” Snape inquires more gently than Harry has ever heard him.

“Well no sir, they only ever hurt me for punishment. I’m a bad kid” Harry explains.

“How are you punished here at Hogwarts?” Snape questions.

“Detention or losing points for Gryffindor” Harry answers.

“Not hit like with your relatives” Snape continues.

“No sir, I still don’t know why though” Harry admits.

“Because hitting is abuse, no matter what you have done” Snape assures him.

“But what if I deserve it” Harry asks.

Snape closes his eyes taking a deep breath.

“Dear boy, you never deserve that kind of action” Dumbledore assures handing over a plate of food.

Harry nods but doesn’t agree. He also wonders what this means for Neville but that’s not his secret to share.

Once Madam Pomfrey clears him, Harry finds Ron and Hermione waiting outside the infirmary. Ron clearly has told her what he’s seen.

He look at his feet unsure what to say. A hand on his arm causes him to look up.

Hermione smiles at him. “We won’t talk about it unless you want to, ok Harry” she says and Harry smiles a bit. Hermione hugs him.

\- It’s a good thing they don’t know about Dudley, they’d be disgusted with you. –

Harry shakes his head, those aren’t memories he wants to remember.

BNB

After a rough first week Professor McGonagall tells him and Ron they’ll be serving their detentions that night, Ron with Filch and Harry with Professor Lockhart whom Harry has begun to despise already but he accepts that this is how he will make up for their arrival.

Harry groans inwardly as he sits down to help address envelopes for Lockhart but readily drinks the tea he's offered. He jumps slightly when Lockhart rests a hand on his knee.

“Bit jumpy are we, Harry” Lockhart chuckles but doesn’t remove his hand.

Harry’s mind blurs at the monotony of writing. He startles at the sudden piercing voice talking about killing.

“What was that” he slurs and is surprised to find himself sitting on the couch.

Lockhart jumps from beside him. “What was what, dear boy” he asks nervously.

“That voice, didn’t you hear it” Harry inquires moving away from Lockhart's hand on his thigh.

“No, but perhaps you've done rather enough for the night, especially if you're hearing things. Why don’t you head on up to bed” Lockhart tells him.

Harry nods and drifts to the Gryffindor tower unsure as to why he feels a sudden need to shower. He does so while waiting for Ron to return from his detention. Ron agrees the voice seems bad and then tells him how his night had gone.

BNB

By Halloween Harry has begun to avoid Lockhart as much as possible. He’s been asked to tea a few times and always leaves feeling weird and needing a shower so the last one he declined.

Trouble strikes when Harry hears the voice yet again after leaving Nearly Headless Nick's deathversarry. He, Ron and Hermione stumble upon Mrs. Norris’s petrified body and the horrific message.

“It's clearly Potter's doing. I demand he be punished. Boy ought to be whipped severely, then he'd think twice about making trouble” Filch spats hysterically when gathered in Lockhart's office with the rest of the staff.

No one seems to notice that Harry has gone stiff at the man's words, each breath burning at his lungs as he tries to stay calm.  
  
“Beating a child purely because you're ashamed of your wizarding status is low even for a Squib like you, Argus” Snape growls his eyes flashing darkly.

Filch draws in on himself. “I didn't, I mean I wasn't, that is I wouldn't” he stutters out, eyes darting around the room.

“You what, weren't clearing implying a child should be abused” Snape dares drawing closer to the man.

“Now, now, Severus, I doubt Argus meant what he was saying. Let us all take a breath. It’s clear that this was not done by any second year” Dumbledore insists.

Harry is shocked by Snape standing up for him and brings it up to the other two while walking back to the tower.

“Harry, Snape may not be the greatest of people but even he isn't going to stand for something like that” Hermione answers.

“It’s not like it’s the end of the world to have a whipping. It just means that person needs more punishment than others.” Harry objects, confusion painting his voice.

“Harry, no, that’s called abuse and its not right. I know we said we wouldn't talk about it but you need to know that your Uncle was wrong to hit you” Hermione explains, a hand on Harry's shoulder.

“Yeah mate, I mean look at my family. Fred, George and I stole the car to come get you and all that happened was a big lecture. What could you have possibly done that's worse than that” Ron adds.

Harry thinks on it, running his teeth over his lip. “I don't know, but my aunt and uncle never wanted me so I'm a burden on them just by being there. I stress them out a lot” he finally explains.

Ron and Hermione share a look but say nothing to Harry.

BNB

Hermione spends an inordinate amount of time, even for her, in the library. Ron and Harry finally discover she's been looking into the Chamber of Secrets.

Harry is happy for the first Quidditch game. At least until a bludger tries to kill him.

Fred and George pull him aside during the time out.

“Don't be angry with him but Ron told us about that first night so we know your home life is shit and you really don’t have to do this” Fred promises worriedly.

“Yeah Harry, we prefer our friends in one piece” George adds.

Harry smiles at them warmly. “Thanks, that means a lot but really I want to keep playing. Just let me deal with it, we can win this thing” he exclaims.

The game gets back in action with a Gryffindor win and a broken arm.

Harry is appalled when Lockhart manages to make all his bones disappear in his arm.

Ron and Hermione join him in the medical wing.

“It would have been just fine if he left it well alone” Harry spews to them.

“Well he was only trying to help” Hermione offers.

“It was just a broken arm, it’s not like it’s my first” Harry remarks casually.

“And how did it get broken before” Ron demands.

“I ran from my uncle once when I was maybe five” Harry admits but let’s them draw their own conclusions.

Madam Pomfrey soon kicks them out and Harry drifts to painful sleep. He awakes to Dobby at his side.

“Go away, you got me into a lot of trouble” Harry whisper yells.

“Dobby is sorry, he only wanted Harry to be safe” Dobby cries.

Harry rolls his eyes. “Well I certainly wasn't safe after you left my aunt and uncle's house” he snorts.

“What does Harry mean” Dobby inquires, his eyes wide with sorrow.

“I got punished for that trick with the pudding” Harry admits. A shudder runs through him.

“Harry gets beating” Dobby surmises.

“Yeah, you could say that, pretty sure he gave me a concussion that night” Harry admitted.

“Harry is not house-elf he should not be punished.” Dobby adds.

“Well maybe not, but, in muggle society bad kids are treated like house-elves, and trust me I'm a bad kid” Harry concludes

Dobby wails. “Harry not bad, Harry defeat Dark Lord. Harry great wizard” he ranted.

Harry blushes but doesn’t say anything.

Neither of them see Severus Snape backing away into the darkness. Nor do they see him furiously demanding that Harry not be sent back to the those muggles, nor do they see the smile that reaches Dumbledore's face when Snape is telling him this and his suggestion of guardianship.

Dobby tells Harry again to leave Hogwarts and admits that his troubles have been caused by him before the elf apparates as voices draw near the infirmary.

Colin Creevey has fallen victim to being petrified.

BNB

Harry is beginning to think school back home was easier to deal with than the fear that everyone shows around him, now that it’s common knowledge he's a ParselMouth. After finding Justin and all the accusation around it Harry finds a spare classroom to have a meltdown.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid.” He mutters, once he melts against a wall. “Can't do anything right, useless, good for nothing, shut up” he screams banging his head on the wall.

The words in his head continue and he’s unaware that someone has entered until hands pull his own away from scratching at his arms. He blinks tear filled eyes to see Snape of all people.

“S-Sorry, Sir” Harry gasps trying hard to stop tears from falling.

“What pray tell are you doing in here alone” Snape asks, his voice not holding it’s usual sting.

“I just needed to get away from it all, I’m not the Heir” Harry remarks, desperate for someone to believe it.

“Don't be stupid, Potter, of course you're not” Snape sneers, his mocking tone helpful for once.

“I’m sorry you had to see me like that” Harry apologizes. Snape scoffs and drifts out of the room without another word.

Ron and Hermione seem relieved when he joins them and he’s grateful they don’t ask about his puffy eyes.

Christmas break comes with the polyjuice potion and other than confirming Malfoy to be a right berk and that the Chamber’s been opened before they don't know who the Heir is.

Then comes the mess with finding and using the journal.

“If Hagrid opened it the last time, then it stands to reason he may have opened it again” Hermione suggests carefully.

Harry stiffens and reminds himself that she's trying to help. “I just don't understand it. Hagrid wouldn't do that, not again. He’s a good person.” He defends. After all Hagrid was his door to this world.

“She's not saying he's not mate, just think about how he views creatures. He named a vicious three-headed dog, Fluffy, and tried to keep a dragon as a pet.” Ron interjects, a hand squeezing Harry's shoulder gently.

Harry sighs and slumps into the couch. “I know, should we confront him” He questions hesitantly.

“No, there haven't been any more incidents since before Christmas. If something else happens, then we will talk to him” Hermione surmises.

Harry thinks about talking to the journal again but before he can it’s taken and that puts him on edge. He finds it ridiculous that with everything going on, they're still having to pick out classes for the next year.

“I just can't decide, I’m signing up for all of them” Hermione determines, throwing her hands up in frustration.

Harry chuckles. “How are you going to manage that” he asks glad the focus is not on him.

“I'll figure it out” she persists, before narrowing her eyes. “However, you still have to choose classes, Harry.” She continued.

Harry shrinks in on himself. “I know, I just don't know what to take, I’m not good at anything” he laments.

Hermione shoves his arm gently. “Don't talk about yourself like that, you faced You Know Who last year and won. You're a wonderful wizard” she tells him.

He rolls his eyes. “Ok then, you choose for me” he suggests with a smirk.

“Nice try, Harry. You can do this, I know you can” she encouraged.

In the end he just chooses the same as Ron but Hermione didn’t bring it up.

BNB

After he hears the voice again Hermione races off to the library only to become the next victim.

When he sees her his heart drops and he forgets how to breath for a moment.

\- This is all your fault –   
\- She could die because of you –   
\- You’re so selfish, it should be you –

“We have to talk to Hagrid now” Harry admits to Ron, trying to ignore his inner voice.

They sneak out only to watch as Hagrid is arrested and Dumbledore practically kicked out. He's not sure how it could get worse until the rumors fly that the school might close. He begins to panic at the thought of no reprieve from the Dursleys.

He calms at the clues from the terrifying spiders.

“We have to talk to Myrtle” Harry determines but gets sidetracked by the news of Ginny's disappearance.

He slides down the wall his breathing coming in raspy short pants, the world blurring around him.

“Come on mate, you have to breath. In and out, in and out ” Ron coaches, slight panic tenting his voice.

Slowly Harry is able to come back to himself. “Thanks” he rasps and they go to talk with Lockhart.

“Harry, would you like some tea” Lockhart asks brightly, his face falling at Ron's presence. “Hello Ronald, what can I help you with” he asks eyes darting around the room.

“Why do you have everything packed, are you seriously running away? My sister has BEEN TAKEN” Ron explodes.

Lockhart attempts to explain it all away before turning his wand on them but Harry is faster. They force him to come to talk with Myrtle and then into the Chamber.

“Harry my boy surely this is far enough” Lockhart whimpers placing a hand on Harry's shoulder.

Harry pulls away from his grip and they fight before Lockhart makes a mess of things. Harry has to continue alone.

He hits his knees by Ginny's motionless body.

“No, no, no, no. Please wake up” he begs barely able to talk through the rock climbing it’s way up his throat.

“She won't wake” another voice speaks.

Harry speaks with Riddle back and forth before getting angry and simply charging the older boy who became the one responsible for his misery. His response is to summon the Basilisk.

Harry slumps to the floor beside Ginny after defeating the Basilisk. He sobs in relief as she wakes up.

“I’m going to be expelled, this is all my fault” Ginny cries into his shoulder.

He pats her back, putting his arms around her in a hug like Hermione sometimes does for him. “No Ginny, it’s not your fault. If anything it’s mine. He was after me” he professes.

\- Yet another way you’re a fuck up –

Harry sighs grateful for Fawkes healing tears.

They make their way back to Ron and Lockhart, who has obliviated himself. Harry still hates having him anywhere near him as they trudge to the staff office.

Once all is explained Harry is sure at least one adult will want to beat him and is unsurprised when Dumbledore asks to speak with him alone.

“Harry you aren’t in any trouble” Dumbledore begins upon seeing how stiffly he's standing.

“Sir, he said that we were alike” Harry admits reaching a hand up to tug on his hair.

“And what do you think of that” Dumbledore inquires, his face giving none of his own thoughts away.

“Well I, I don’t think I’m evil but I mean I am bad” Harry confesses.

“My boy, why do you think that” Dumbledore asks, frowning deeply.

“I make a lot of trouble and my uncle usually takes care of it. I cause my family a lot of stress.” Harry explains.

Dumbledore sighs and Harry stiffens.

“I believe I owe you an apology, Harry. I believed because of the blood wards that keeping you with relatives that you didn't get along well with would be worth it for your safety. Clearly I was wrong in this manner. The treatment you've received is not ok and you did not deserve it.” Dumbledore says gravely before continuing. “So it’s been decided that you won’t return there this summer” he announces.

Harry looks up at this news. “Where will I go instead” he questions hoping it’s with Ron or Hermione. The answer makes his stomach disappear.

“You’ll be living with Professor Snape” Dumbledore answers.

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

  
Harry was not pleased with the idea.

“Couldn’t I just go and live with the Weasleys or maybe with Hermione’s family” Harry asked Dumbledore.

“No, this is my final decision. He will not harm you Harry, You’ll be safe with him” Dumbledore tells him.

  
Harry does not feel quite as sure. After all he’s the definition of a bad kid; eventually Snape is going to want to punish him just like his uncle had before. It’s not like Snape can give him detention away from school and Uncle said he deserved to be hit, how long would it take Snape to figure that out.

The day came too soon for Harry. Hermione and Ron left on the train but not before Hermione gave him a hug and told him it would be alright.

They were told he'd be staying with an undisclosed guardian for his safety after Dumbledore told him no one could know where he would be living.

“Come along Potter, we’re traveling by Floo powder” Snape demands, Harry follows him obediently. When they arrived Harry was surprised to find the house was light and airy not at all dark and dreary like the potions master himself.

“I’ll give you the tour now, Potter, remember it please and don’t get lost, the house is rather large after all” Snape directs. Harry follows him in silence as he shows each room finally stopping in front of a door at the end of the hall on the second floor.

“This is your bedroom, I’ll let you get settled in and dinner will be served in an hour” Snape says before leaving Harry to himself. The room is quite large, at least to Harry; it’s even bigger than one of Dudley’s two rooms. Harry surprises himself by falling asleep immediately upon laying on the bed.

He’s awoken by rapid knocking. He looks around blearily and realizes it’s coming from his door. No one had ever bothered knocking before.

“Yes sir” Harry answers, hoping it’s the right answer. The door swings open.

“Dinner is ready if you plan on eating” Snape says before heading back down the hall. Harry sighs; he’s already upset his new guardian.

“That didn’t take long” he mutters and heads down the stairs to the dining room that had been pointed out earlier. Snape is already seated at the table when Harry enters. He pauses upon seeing an extra plate at the table.

“Well, sit down” Snape says impatiently

“At the table, sir” Harry asks, usually his place was set on the floor.

“Of course at the table where else would you” Snape begins but stops when he realizes what Harry had been wondering.

“Yes, you will eat all meals at the table” he muses quietly. Harry sits at the table and they eat in silence, Harry sure he’s somehow already in trouble and beginning to freak out inwardly.

“You’re being awfully quiet, is my food not up to par for you, Potter” Snape sneers unable to take the silence any longer.

‘No sir, I mean yes sir the food is great, I uh just I’m sorry for whatever it is I’ve already done wrong, I know I’m not very good at much and” Harry begins to ramble his panic building.

  
\- Yeah great way to start off moron –

“You aren’t in any trouble,” Snape cuts him off to say. “You just usually are not this quiet, as a reminder I will not harm you, alright” he continues.

“Yes sir” Harry answers, though he does not believe him.

“You are free to go, try and get some sleep, Potter” Snape says.

Harry recognizes the dismissal and takes it. He’d been too afraid to ask about punishments but he knew he'd mess up soon enough to find out.

The next morning Harry is up with the dawn and has breakfast ready when Snape walks into the kitchen. Harry hurries to serve him, sighing in relief when Snape simply sits down and eats.

“Thank you for cooking, Potter, er, Harry.” Snape compliments.

“You're welcome, Sir” he answers before turning to the dishes. Once finished he turns to other rooms to clean.

BNB

By day three Harry finds himself becoming hungry and prepares himself to ask if he could have at least a slice of toast.

Snape sits at the table as he has every other day.

“Sir, I was wondering, would it be alright if I ate a slice of toast” Harry inquires, trying hard to not show fear.

Snape stops eating and looks at him. Harry feels as if a ghost has just walked through him.

“I'm sorry, I shouldn’t have asked” he mutters before attempting to leave the room.

“Harry, come here” Snape demands, his voice gentle despite the order. Harry walks back to his side finding it hard to take a breath.

“Have you eaten anything since the first night here” Snape inquires.

“No sir, I promise I won't without permission. I'm not a thief.” Harry stammers.

Snape closes his eyes, taking a deep breath to steady his voice. “Please have a seat, Harry, we need to talk.” He begins.

  
\- Oh great here it comes, you just had to ask –

Harry sits down, keeping his eyes trained on the table.

“I should have done this the first night here so I apologize. First and foremost you are allowed to eat all three meals, every day and if you get hungry between meals you are allowed a snack as well. You will not be punished for eating.” Snape tells Harry.

“Yes sir, how would you like me to pay you back though? The house is clean so I’m not sure how else to earn my keep” Harry admits. He flinches when Snape sighs.

“You are a child, you do not have to earn the right to live here. As your guardian it is my responsibility to take care of those things” Snape explains.

“Oh, ok” Harry answers feeling confused. He jumps slightly at the hand that covers his own.

“You've had to deal with way more than anyone should have to but it changes now. Would it help if I told you the rules” Snape asks softly, acting completely out of character to what Harry knows.

“Yes sir” Harry tells him feeling relief at having a way to know where the lines begin and end.

“You don’t have to call me sir while here. At school it remains professor, here and only here you may call me Severus” Snape offers

“Yes, si-, er Severus.” Harry says and Snape hides a smile.

“Good, my rules are fairly simple. Most importantly you will not put yourself in danger, you've exhibited quite a bit of recklessness and that needs to stop. Second rule is respect, it is ok to disagree with me, but you will be respectful, no yelling or name calling. Lastly I abhor violence so there will be absolutely none of that, any questions” Snape finishes.

“I understand the rules but what happens when I’m bad” Harry asks cautiously.

“If you misbehave and break a rule, we'll talk about it and I may ground you or have you write lines. I will never hit you and you are not bad” Snape promises.

Harry nods still wary but willing to give it a try.

The next morning after breakfast Harry takes his dishes to the sink, his glass slipping from his hands and shattering on the floor. He spirals into a flashback of the day after his birthday the year previously.

“Oh god, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I’ll clean it up, I promise, I’m sorry.” Harry sputters out going down on his knees to clean up the glass with his hands.

“STOP” Snape bellows after a silent moment. Harry freezes, blood already trickling from his hands.

“Stand up, let me see your hands” Snape orders. Harry obeys whimpering slightly as he stretches out his hands. He’s confused as he watches Snape bandage his hands with the first aid kit he’d made appear but doesn’t move until told to do so. Once finished bandaging Snape realizes how shallow Harry’s breathing has become.

“All is well Harry, you can move your hands” he says and sighs when Harry puts them by his sides but remains still.

“Harry, you aren’t in any trouble” he tries but still no movement from Harry. Slowly with Harry tracking his every move he places hands on each of his shoulders, finding the boy to be trembling slightly.

“Look at me” he orders gently. Harry’s eyes track to his own.

“Good, it was an accident, tell me what is rule 3” Snape requests.

“N-n-no violence” Harry stutters out.

“Good, just breathe, you are safe here” Snape guides and allows his hands to drop from the boy’s shoulders, when Harry comes back to his senses.

“Sorry sir” he says, face going red before he all but runs from the room. Snape is puzzled by his actions but lets him go.

The nightmares are bad that night.

_“Boy get your ass in here before I make you wish you were never born” Uncle Vernon yells. 7 yr old Harry walks into the room in fear._  
_“Dudley said you hit him when he tried to play with you, is that true” Uncle asks fiercely. Harry’s throat goes dry but he nods receiving an instant slap across the face._  
_‘’You are nothing but a worthless brat, Dudley is worth 10 of you, from now on you do as he says or else face me, understand” Uncle hisses, his voice deadly calm._  
_“Yes, sir, sorry sir.” Harry replies tears forming in his eyes._  
_“Well let’s make sure you remember” Uncle says lighting a cigarette and smiling._

Harry wakes up screaming and soaked in sweat. The door opens to reveal Snape standing there awkwardly.

“Are you ok” he asks.

“Yes sir, I’m sorry for waking you and for being stupid at dinner earlier” Harry replies immediately.

“Don’t apologize for having nightmares, it’s not your fault” Snape tells him gently. Harry is again confused.

“How’d you know I had a nightmare” he asks

“I heard you screaming” Snape tells him.

“Oh so now you know how pathetic and weak I am” Harry says self depreciatingly.

“Nightmares don’t make you weak, Harry” Snape replies immediately.

“Uncle Vernon said it did, especially after I learned I was a wizard, said I should use my freakiness to keep myself from waking the whole damn house” Harry tells Snape.

“Well your uncle is an abusive bastard; I wouldn’t put much stock in what he says” Snape answers.

“He wasn’t abusive, he just had to punish me a lot, I’m kind of a bad kid” Harry defends. Snape sighs.

“No Harry, what he did was abuse. Tell me when you get in trouble at school does anyone hit you” Snape asks knowing he'd already asked the same question but willing to keep doing so until the boy understood.

“Well no but” Harry begins.

“Exactly because hitting is abuse, you’ll realize that eventually” Snape explains, Harry shrugs.

“I’m sorry for waking you up anyway” He says.

“I was awake and even if I wasn’t it would be ok, understand” Snape tells him.

“Yes sir” Harry answers.

“It’s Severus” Snape corrected. Harry nods in acknowledgement.

“Think you can get back to sleep” he asks and Harry shrugs. “Well try to get some” he suggests before closing the door and going to his own room.

Harry gets up quietly and reads because there’s no way in hell he’s going back to sleep after that nightmare.

BNB

He's reading in the sitting room when Snape comes downstairs the next morning.

“You didn’t go back to sleep did you?” he asked

“No” Harry answers honestly. Snape opens his mouth to say something but an alarm sounds causing him to stiffen.

“Harry, go back to your bedroom and do not leave unless I come and get you. If you hear anyone come to towards the room use your cloak to hide” he orders.

Harry nods and hurries to obey wondering how Snape possibly could know about his cloak.

Snape goes to the floo, shocked when Narcissa Malfoy falls through with her son in her arms. He rushes to catch them.

“Cissa, what happened” he questions at the sight of his bloodied godson.

“He got in between us” she whispers shamefully.

Snape takes him from her and lays him on the couch.

Draco moans softly.

“Dragon, can you hear me” Snape asks softly using his special name for the boy.

“Uncle Sev, where's mother” Draco questions beginning to panic.

“Lay still, she's here” Snape commands.

“Ok” Draco says. Snape works on cleaning and healing him a bit, giving him a sleeping draught, before turning to Narcissa.

“Does he know that you are here?” he inquires.

“No Sev, he left the house afterwards. He’ll be looking soon though.” She admits. Snape nods and closes his floo to all entrance.

“How long” he demands after settling Narcissa with a cup of tea in the kitchen.

Tears pool in her eyes. “A while, just never this bad. Draco wasn’t supposed to see. He came back from a friend’s house early. He just went wild and pulled him off of me, goaded him into hitting him instead” she admits breaking off with a sob.

“This is not your fault. It is Lucius and him alone. I won’t let him harm you or Draco again.” Snape promises then remembers Harry is still hidden upstairs.

“Harry Potter is upstairs, I’m his guardian after finding out his relatives abused him. I need to go let him know it’s safe to come down and probably tell him some things.” Snape tells Narcissa.

“Is Albus crazy, if any of the Death Eaters find out you’ll be in danger.” Narcissa gasps.

“I’m aware, not even his friends know that he is here. It was told that his guardian is a secret to keep him safe.” Snape explains then heads upstairs.

The room appears empty when he walks in.

“Harry come out, it is safe” he says and Harry uncovers himself from the corner of the room, his face showing clear signs of having been crying.

“I apologize for scaring you. Draco and his mother are downstairs and” he begins but stops at the clear fear on Harry's face.

“I know Draco is not nice at school but he won’t be that way here” Snape explains.

“I lost them their elf” Harry explains softly.

“Excuse me” Snape says baffled. Harry explains how he freed Dobby and nearly being hit by Lucius.

“Narcissa, Draco's mother, will not care about that. Draco is in rough shape, his father hurt him” Snape tells him.

“But why, he doesn’t deserve that” Harry asks, eyes wide.

Snape feels a strange pain in his chest at the implication that Harry himself does deserve the pain but shelves it for later.

“You are correct, why don’t you come downstairs and meet his mother” Snape suggests. Harry nods and follows him to the kitchen.

“Hello Harry, I'm Narcissa, Draco's mother. How are you” Narcissa says.  
  
“I'm alright, ma'am. I’m sorry about your elf” Harry mumbles, not daring to look up.

“You mean Dobby” Narcissa questions. Harry nods.

“Let me tell you a secret, I sent Dobby to you, I’m glad you freed him, I was not able to” Narcissa explains.

Harry looks up at her, startled by the information. She chuckles.

“Sev, I think we should explain things to him” Narcissa directs.

Snape nods and gestures for Harry to have a seat.

“I was a spy, during the war, for Dumbledore. There are still many Death Eaters around so I have to be cautious in my every action. This is why your friends cannot know that you are here. Lucius, is one of those people, however, Cissa and Draco are not. Draco has had to act a certain way at school, as do I thus why it seems that I hate you. I admit a part of that is because I did not get along with your father and held a grudge, for that I apologize” Snape explains.

“Is it because Voldemort might come back” Harry asks, frowning as they both flinch at the name.

“Yes, that is why. We have a problem now though in that I will not allow the two of them to go back with Lucius but do not have a way of keeping him away forever. He'll know they are here at some point. You might have to go back to the school for a bit” Snape tells him.  
  
“Well what if the ministry were to search the house and find the dark items hidden beneath the sitting room” Harry asks

“How do you know about that” Narcissa asks sharply, regretting her tone when Harry flinches and goes silent.

“It’s alright Harry, I’m sorry for scaring you, I’m not upset just surprised” Narcissa explains.

“Um Draco kinda told Ron and me over the holidays only he didn’t know it was us” Harry explains.

Snape gives him a dark look. “And why didn’t he know it was you” he questions.

Harry doesn’t answer.

“Harry, what did you do” Snape inquires harshly.

Harry starts shaking.

“Severus, calm down” Narcissa demands and walks to Harry placing a hand on his shoulder, ignoring the flinch the action brings.

“Harry, it's ok, you can tell us sweetie” she prods gently.

“He'll be so mad, he’ll punish me” Harry whispers.

“And how do you believe that will happen” Narcissa asks.

“With his belt, I deserve it, I’m bad” Harry explains.

Narcissa can take it no longer and pulls the boy up to hold him in her arms waiting until he relaxes to speak.

“Severus would never do that, and even if he does get angry with you, I will not let him touch you, ok” she tries and slowly gets a nod.

“We used the polyjuice potion” Harry whispers. Her eyes widen and she glances at Snape who has not moved the entire conversation.

“Harry, I'm not angry, I’m not happy to hear you did such a thing but it’s in the past. That is a wonderful idea. I want you to owl Ron and have him tell his father, ok” Snape says keeping his voice even.

Harry nods but doesn’t try to move from Narcissa's arms for a few minutes. Then he does as asked and they eat a late breakfast.

Draco wakes up and wanders in towards the end.

“What are you doing here, Potter” he sneers immediately.

“Draco Lucius Malfoy, you will not speak like that” Narcissa barks.

Draco blushes and looks down muttering an apology.

Harry is staring speechlessly at the visible bruises all over Draco.

He pushes away from the table and runs out of the room, startling Draco.

“I’ve got it” Snape assures and follows the way Harry had gone.

“Why did he run away” Draco asks.  
  
“I think perhaps seeing you hurt, upset him” Narcissa guesses.

“But why, he hates me” Draco questions in confusion.

“I highly doubt that, but even if he did, he has been through quite a bit himself and I doubt he'd wish that on anyone.” Narcissa explains before prompting Draco to sit and eat.

Snape finds Harry back in his room, silent sobs racking his body.

“Harry” Snape begins but is shocked when Harry cuts him off.

“It’s my fault, it’s all my fault. I deserve that beating, not him” he yells.

Snape crosses the room to where Harry has pressed himself against the wall. He guides him to sit on the bed taking a seat next to him.

“Harry, no this is not your fault. It is Draco's father who did this, not you. And you do not ever deserve to be hurt like that. You are not bad” Snape promises.

Harry shakes his head. “Yes I am. I’m a no good, worthless, annoying, little shit that only causes problems” he spews.

Snape begins to wish he could have a few minutes with the boy’s relatives.

He slowly puts an arm around Harry's shaking shoulders.

“Harry those are the words your relatives have used. They are not true. You believe that I have hated you for two years, have I ever called you these things” Snape questions.

“No but I don’t know why. If my own family thinks it then it must be true.” Harry surmises.

“No, those horrible muggles do not count as family. Your mother and your father loved you and if they were here, I can promise you they would not think you were bad.” Snape insists.

“Well maybe they would, they only knew me as a baby, maybe they would hate me now.” Harry tries.

“No Harry. It’s going to take time but I'll help you see that you are not what you believe.” Snape promises.  
  
“Ok” Harry says softly and Snape knows there's so much laying behind that one word.

They go back downstairs and into the kitchen.

“Harry” Draco acknowledges.  
  
“Draco” Harry greets in return. Narcissa and Snape leave them alone to talk.

“So I guess you know my father did this” Draco begins, gesturing to his face and body.

Harry nods. “I’m sorry he hurt you, you don't deserve that” he tells him.  
  
“I was protecting my mother. He was hurting her” Draco explains.

“I'm sorry, I know you must be in pain” Harry observes.

“Not too much, Uncle Sev is pretty good at healing” Draco tells him.

“Oh that’s good.” Harry answers.

“So why are you living here” Draco asks after the silence grows awkward.

“Well because they found out how my uncle punished me and said it wasn’t ok” Harry explains.

“What do you mean” Draco asks.  
  
“Well Severus said he's abusive but I’m not sure. He never bruised my face, like that” Harry explains gesturing to Draco's face.

“Did he leave bruises other places” Draco guesses.

“Sometimes, usually only my back when he whipped me but if he was really angry he'd punch and kick me too, only if I'd been really bad though”

“Bloody hell, Harry, any type of hitting is not ok. Would you think it was ok if it happened to Ron or Hermione, or even me” Draco asks firmly.

“What, no, none of you deserve that” Harry screeches indignantly.

“Oh and you do huh. No it doesn't work that way. If something is not ok for one person it’s not ok for anyone else either, so there” Draco challenged.

“Well maybe, I don’t know” Harry admits.

“I guess since we're here I should apologize. Mother said you know I have to act a certain way but I crossed that line several times, especially with what I called Hermione. Mother was quite angry with me for that one, threatened to wash my mouth out with soap” Draco admits with a shudder.

Harry smiles. “I accept your apology, though it’s Hermione you should really talk to” He says. Draco deflates with relief.

The next days are spent quietly reading and with Draco teaching Harry correct words and measurements for potions.

A week later the front page of the Daily Prophet announces Lucius’ arrest.  
Draco and Narcissa leave to go back to their own home now that it’s safe. Harry is surprised to find that he misses them.

BNB

He awakes on his birthday to find Draco in the kitchen.

“Hey, what are you doing here” Harry asks happily.

“It’s your birthday” Draco answers as if it’s obvious.

“Well yeah, so” Harry says scrunching his nose in confusion.

“I know it’s not as good as having Ron and Hermione but I figured you should have someone to help celebrate. Uncle Sev is not great at planning parties.” Draco admits with a smirk.

“How dare you speak ill of your only godfather” Snape gasps as he walks into the room with a smile.

Draco laughs

“Happy Birthday, Harry” Snape says rustling his hair, pleased when he doesn’t flinch.

“No one's ever acknowledged it before” Harry admits in bewilderment.

“You’ve never had a birthday party, like at all” Draco asks, horrified.

“No, the Dursleys said it wasn’t important, usually I spent the day in my cupboard to avoid them” Harry admits.

“Cupboard? You hid in a cupboard, why not in your room” Draco asks

“The cupboard was my room, up until the first Hogwarts letter came, then they let me use Dudley's second bedroom” Harry explains, confused by the looks on both Snape and Draco's faces.

“A cupboard, they kept you in a cupboard. Why did it change after the first letter” Snape questions.

“I’m not sure they just got really upset because the letter specifically mentioned the cupboard. Why, is that bad?” Harry asks.

“Merlin's beard! Is that bad? That's fuckin evil” Draco exclaims.

“Dragon, watch the language. Harry yes it’s bad that they kept you in a cupboard. Though I suppose it shouldn’t be surprising considering how horrible they are anyway” Snape surmises.

“Anyway, sorry that your friends can’t be here but mother is baking a cake and will be here soon to spend the day” Draco interrupts upon seeing how uncomfortable Harry is.

“You’re my friend too, you know” Harry admonishes.

Draco smiles but shrugs.

They spend the day playing games of exploding snap and wizard chess. Harry grins when he manages to beat Draco.

Harry is surprised again when a pile of presents are set in front of him.

There's one from Hagrid, Hermione, Ron, the twins, Ginny, and Mrs. Weasley. He's shocked even further by Snape giving him a gift as well as Draco and Narcissa.

His eyes tear up when he opens Snape's to find a photo album containing pictures of his mother when she was younger. He startles the older man by hugging him in thanks.

Overall it’s the best birthday he has ever had which is why he feels he shouldn’t be surprised when it all goes to hell three weeks later.

BNB

Harry wakes screaming for the fourth night in a row. He dashes out of bed and to the bathroom. Dreams of Dudley always leave him feeling dirty, so showering helps. He dresses afterwards, afraid to go back to sleep. He grabs his wand, it helps lessen the feeling of being unsafe. He jumps at the knock on his door.

“Come in” he groans knowing it’s Snape.

“Harry you can’t keep going like this. You aren’t getting much sleep” Snape begins.

“I’m sorry, Severus. I didn’t mean to wake you up” Harry apologizes.

Snape sighs. “That is not what I said. You need sleep, this isn't because of me” he attempts.

“I get some sleep” Harry refutes.

Snape raises an eyebrow. “Waking up screaming does not count as sleeping well” he argues.

“It’s not a big deal” Harry mutters wrapping arms around himself in discomfort.

“Yes it is Harry. It’s ok you've been through a lot, nightmares are expected but perhaps you should talk about it. It might help lessen them some and I’m willing to listen.” Snape tells him.

Harry shakes his head.

“It’s ok, Harry, I won’t think any less of you” Snape prods sitting on Harry’s bed. “Does it have to do with Dudley, did he do something to you” he continues and Harry feels frozen in place, a voice from the past filling his ears.

**“How dare you accuse Dudley of such things. He'd never do anything like that. I’m going to teach you a lesson you'll never forget” Uncle had said before throwing him on the bed.**

“HARRY” Snape screams bringing him back to the present. He pales upon seeing him on his bed.

“No” he manages before darting out of the room and out of the house.

When he finally stops to take a breath he realizes he has no idea where he is. He whirls around at the sound of branches snapping. He sees what looks like an enormous black dog. He raises his wand then falls over as a double decker purple bus appears out of nowhere.

BNB

He goes by Neville to avoid any kind of recognition. He decides to go to the Leaky Cauldron until it’s time to return to school. He’s able to get a room with no problems and spends the next couple of days getting his things for school.

He starts to wonder if he should sent Snape a note but then drops all of his books upon entering his room to find said man leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

“Shut the door” he orders. Harry does so quickly and stands still waiting for whatever Snape decides to do. He lets out a small yelp of surprise when he's pulled into his guardian's arms.

“Never ever do that again” Snape pleads before releasing Harry.

“I thought we had gotten past this, I’m not going to ever hit you. Why did you run?” Snape questions desperately.

Harry shrugs.

“Come sit down and talk to me, please” Snape insists gesturing to the bed. Harry meets his eyes, panic filling him again.

This time Snape catches it and pales before running to the in-suite vomiting loudly.

Harry stays where he is. Snape comes back looking shaky and a little pale.

“He touched you inappropriately, didn’t he” Snape guesses.

“No sir, Dudley never did anything, please I swear I learned my lesson” Harry begs dropping to his knees.

Snape approaches him cautiously.

“Harry I’m not going to do anything to you for telling me that Dudley abused you but some one did, can you tell me who?” Snape questions dropping to his knees in front of Harry but not touching him.

“Uncle Vernon. I told him about Dudley t-t-touching me. He said I was a liar. He threw me on the bed and he, he” Harry tries but starts sobbing, throwing himself at Snape.

Though startled Snape holds him gently yet cautiously unsure of where Harry's sense of boundaries lie.

“I’m sorry” Harry cries.

“No child, there are a lot of people who ought to be sorry but not you, never you. You know I will not harm you in that way, right?” Snape cautions.

“Yes I think so I just got scared cause you asked about Dudley and last time I talked about it I got punished.” Harry explains.

“Good” Snape sighs in relief.

“I'm sorry for running away, am I in trouble” Harry asks pulling away from Snape.

“No, I understand why you ran and you came to a safe place.” Snape explains and Harry sighs in relief.

“Your friends will be here tomorrow and you’ll stay here and take the train to Hogwarts. I can’t be seen with you. You can say that you were brought here so you could ride with friends to school.” Snape tells Harry who nods in understanding. He feels tired from everything he'd disclosed.

“Get some rest. In front of others remember to keep up the same disdain but if you need me for anything get word to Draco and he'll get you to me” Snape reminds him before leaving.

Harry drifts off to sleep and for once does not dream of his uncle or cousin.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on the fence for pairings for Harry. It's between Ginny, Draco, and Neville. What would you guys like to see?


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm not dead! And I haven't abandoned this story. I promise not to that. No guarentees for quick updates but there will be updates and I will try to not take quite as long between them this time.   
> Warnings at the end of chapter

Hermione and Ron arrive the next day, surprised but happy to see Harry. 

“How'd you get here. I thought you had a new guardian” Hermione inquires. 

“I do, they just dropped me off a couple days ago so I could meet with friends” Harry lies. 

“Awesome” Ron says gleefully.

Hermione gives a suspicious look but then changes the subject. “My parents gave me some money for my birthday. We were about to head over and look at pets maybe get an owl, do you want to come with us” She asks. 

“Sure, sounds fun” Harry answers.

“Yeah, I gotta get Scabbers looked at, he's been looking off since Egypt.” Ron tells Harry, holding up said rat. Scabbers was definitely looking worse for the wear. 

The nice witch offers Ron a tonic for Scabbers before a giant ball of fluff attacks causing said rat to run out the door, Ron frantically running after him. 

“What a beautiful cat” Hermione coos. Harry disagrees but doesn’t say anything. 

“Crookshanks has been here forever, I was beginning to think he'd never find a home” the witch tells them. Hermione gladly pays and Harry grabs the tonic Ron left behind. 

“Harry did your guardian really drop you off here? You haven’t been alone all summer, right” Hermione asks worriedly as they walk to find Ron. 

“No, I promise I was with a guardian. Please don't ask, I’m not allowed to say who, for safety” Harry pleads. 

Hermione squeezes his hand with her one free one. “I won’t push it, I just worry. They treated you ok?” she asks. 

He nods. 

“YOU BOUGHT THAT UGLY THING” Ron screeches upon seeing them. 

Hermione huffs. “His name is Crookshanks and he's beautiful” She tells him haughtily. 

“He tried to eat Scabbers.” Ron cries, outraged before stomping away. 

“Don’t worry, he won't stay mad” Harry encourages. 

BNB

Later that night Harry goes in search of Ron's rat tonic and hears the Weasley parents talking. 

“He's been through enough, Arthur. Do you not remember what Ron told us last year, those marks on his back. The poor child fully expected to be beaten and thought nothing of it. You can't put this extra burden on him” Molly lectures. 

“I'm not trying to make him feel burdened, Molly. I want him to be safe. He can't be wandering about like he usually does.” Arthur counters. 

Molly sighs. “I know that but surely with Dumbledore around Black won’t dare come after him” She surmises. 

“That man is crazy dear, there’s no telling what he will and won't do. It hasn’t been printed but the ministry is sure he's after Harry. He mumbled about him for days before he escaped.” Arthur says. 

Harry feels cold just listening. The man he'd read about escaping Azkaban, that had murdered 13 people, was after him. Once he hears them leave he grabs Ron's rat tonic and heads back upstairs. 

Fred and George are laughing on the landing as he comes up. 

“Oy, what's the matter Harry” George asks upon seeing Harry's face. 

“Nothing, just tired” Harry lies.

“This ought to put a smile on your face” Fred jokes showing Harry Percy’s badge that now reads Bighead boy. 

Harry forces a smile before giving Ron the tonic and heading to his room. 

He thinks about how every year at Hogwarts someone has been out to kill him and as he falls asleep wonders if perhaps his uncle was right and he should have died with his parents. 

BNB

 

Arthur Weasley pulls Harry aside at Kings Cross where Harry admits he heard him and Molly the night before. 

Harry's a bit nervous about the sleeping man in their compartment but once Hermione identifies him as the likely new Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher and that he's for sure asleep he tells them what he'd found out. 

“So they think he broke out to come after you” Ron says incredulously. 

Harry nods. “But your father said something odd. He asked me to not go looking for Black. I mean why would I go looking for someone who wants to kill me” He asks throwing his hands up in exasperation. 

“Well, no offense Harry, but the past two years you’ve gotten into dangerous situations. Maybe he's just wanting to be cautious” Hermione guesses. 

“So he thinks I’m a trouble maker, great” Harry pouts. 

Ron starts to say something when the door slides open and Ginny followed by Neville squeeze in. 

“Hey Harry, how was your summer” Neville asks. The two had become penpals of sorts and had a bit of coded language between them. 

“It was alright had an adventure with a toad about a week ago, and yours” Harry asks politely. Toad was code for running away. 

“Ah it was quite alright, did have a bit of spicy chicken though” Neville answers. This of course meant he'd been punished physically.

“Oh, that’s a bummer, I know you don’t enjoy it” Harry responds. It was his way of saying it’s not your fault. He'd spent the last couple of weeks trying to convince the other boy to tell someone about his treatment.

They all chat amicably until the train pulls to a stop and goes dark. They all grow nervous. Doubly so when the cloaked creature opens the door. Everything feels cold. Harry sees his Uncle coming at him with a belt before he dissolves into darkness and all he hears is a scream. 

“Are you alright” a voice asks. Harry flushes red upon realizing he'd passed out and fallen out of his seat. Ron's face peers over him worriedly along with the sleeping man, Lupin. 

“Have some chocolate, it will help” Lupin says as Harry sits back in his seat. He breaks off a piece and hands it to him. 

Hermione is sitting with her arms around Ginny who's crying softly. 

“What was that thing” Neville asks, his face pale. 

*“A dementor,” said Lupin, who was now giving chocolate to everyone else. “One of the dementors of Azkaban.”*

He then excuses himself to talk with the driver. 

“What happened” Harry asks. 

“Well it got really cold and then you passed out” Hermione states. 

“So it only affected me like that” Harry says self depreciatingly. 

“I felt very light-headed and thought for sure I'd pass out” Neville encourages. 

The voice in Harry's head laughs. 

\- You’re just weak and pathetic – It muses

He sighs and turns to stare out the window ignoring the worried looks from friends. 

Lupin returns urging Harry to eat the chocolate. He does, surprised at how much better he feels. The rest of the ride is mostly quiet. They ride to Hogwarts in the carriages and are confronted as they exit. 

Marcus Flint is flanked by Draco's usual goons, Crabbe and Goyle. 

“Did you really pass out Potter” Flint sneers. “How pathetic” 

“Oh shut up Flint, at least he didn’t fail and have to retake a year” Ron goads. Flint's fists clench and he starts towards them. 

“Everything alright here” Lupin asks, approaching calmly. 

“Yes of course, Professor” Flint replied backing away, shooting a nasty glance at Harry. 

Once inside Professor McGonagall calls for Harry and Hermione to follow her. 

“You're not in trouble” she assures as they walk causing Harry to relax. 

“Professor Lupin sent word that you took ill on the train” she says once settled in her office. 

Harry only barely stops himself from rolling his eyes. “Its not that big of deal, really. I’ve passed out way longer when I had a concussion” he admits but thinks perhaps he shouldn’t have when horror crosses the professor’s face. “He gave me chocolate as well, it helped” He adds. 

McGonagall sighs and gives him a once over glance. “Alright, you may go, just be sure to see Madam Pomfrey if you start feeling faint again. I just need to speak with Hermione about her schedule and she'll be along.” She tells him. 

He leaves readily, feeling slightly embarrassed by the fussing. He's nearly to the Great Hall when an arm snakes out to grab him making him whimper slightly. He calms seeing it’s just Draco. “Don't do that” he admonishes.

Draco looks at him sheepishly. “Sorry, didn’t think about it. Are you alright, everyone's saying you passed out” he says worriedly. 

Harry huffs in annoyance. “Ugh I’m fine. I’ve had way worse” he tells him.

Draco smirks. “It really grinds on you when people fuss, huh” he asks. 

Harry shrugs. 

“So uh did you uh see anything when the uh dementors came” Draco stutters out uncharacteristically. 

Harry looks him over. “You saw your dad, huh” he guesses, keeping his voice gentle. 

Draco nods and looks away. “Sorry about Flint, apparently he took my place as ‘leader’ because I've besmirched my father's good name.” He spats. 

“Sorry about that” Harry offers. “Oh I need to talk with Severus” he tells him. 

He nods. “Meet me back here after feast. I’ll get you to him.” He promises. They go separate ways so as not to arrive at the feast together. 

Harry shivers when Dumbledore mentions the dementors stationed around the school but cheers with the others as he announces Lupin and Hagrid as teachers. 

He’s surprised at how easy it is to slip away from Ron and Hermione. Draco takes him to Snape's office and leaves when he answers the door. 

“What did you need, Harry, everything alright?” Snape asks. 

“Yeah, I just well, I didn't see you after I got my letter. I need my Hogsmeade permission slip signed.” Harry stutters out nervously. 

Snape looks at him silently for a moment. “No, I’m not going to be signing it, perhaps next year.” He answers. 

Harry feels rage bubbling up. “Why not” he asks hotly. 

Snape raises his eyebrows ominously.

Harry looks down. “Sorry sir. Is this because I ran away” he asks calmly. 

“No Harry. You won't understand this but it’s too dangerous right now” he explains. 

Harry sighs. “Its because of Sirius Black isn’t it.” He says forgetting he's not actually supposed to know about him. 

“What about him” Snape questions darkly. 

“I know he broke out to come after me because he's Voldemort's follower” Harry admits. 

Tension seems to drain from Snape, confusing Harry.

“Well then you should understand why we can not risk you being unprotected” he states. 

Harry sighs. “Its not that big of a deal” he huffs. 

“Your life is a very big deal and you will not be risking it” Snape challenges. 

“Fine” Harry huffs before taking his leave. He slips back into the dorm room to find Neville waiting on his bed. He puts up silencing charms before they talk. 

“You promised you were safe, why'd you run away” Neville pouts. 

Harry sighs. “I was safe, I just panicked really badly and thought Severus would hurt me and” He begins to explain but freezes upon realizing what he'd said. 

“Calm down, Harry. I won’t tell anyone. It’s ok” Neville soothes. He waits until Harry's breathing evens out. “Grandmother took the switch to me a few days ago because I got angry when she refused to let me go see my parents” he explains. 

“How bad is it, any blood” Harry asks.

“No, just bruising” Neville says ashamedly. 

“You could go to Madam Pomfrey, show her, they'd have to believe you then” Harry suggests. 

Neville shakes his head. “She's all I’ve got. Where would I even go, an orphanage?” he inquires 

“Well I was thinking about that and maybe Narcissa would take you in, now that Lucius is locked up she's running the Malfoy name as grey. If you want I’ll ask Draco about it but only with your permission” Harry explains. 

“Maybe pose it to him as a hypothetical situation, don’t use my name.” Neville finally says after a long silence. 

Harry nods and yawns. 

“Get some sleep, we'll talk tomorrow” Neville tells him and pads over to his own bed. 

BNB

The next day Professor Trelawney predicts Harry's death sending him to the edge of a panic attack. The throbbing in his chest eases when Neville holds his hand and helps him breathe easily. 

Harry manages to pull Draco aside for the Neville situation after class.

“So let’s say hypothetically I have a friend who’s treated similar to how I was but doesn’t have any other family, what would you do” Harry asks. 

Draco gives him a look that easily conveys he's not buying Harry's shit before sighing. “I would ask mother if she could take said person in, is this a pureblood?” he asks. 

“Hypothetically, yes” Harry answers.   
Draco glares. 

Harry gives him a shit-eating grin. 

“Well then hypothetically I will contact my mother” Draco tells him snidely and walks off in a huff. 

BNB

“I'm glad Hagrid gets to teach this class, it’s very suited to him” Hermione says seemingly popping up out of nowhere. 

Ron jumps and looks at her confusedly but Hagrid calls class to start before he can say anything. 

Harry feels pride when he rides the hippogriff but is short-lived as Flint who is being forced to take the class causes Buckbeak, the hippogriff, to injure him ending the class abruptly.

“I hope they don't fire Hagrid because of this” Harry frets. 

“Dumbledore will protect him” Hermione assures but worry is plain on her face. 

“I’m surprised Malfoy wasn’t egging it on” Ron scoffs. 

“He's different this year, he hasn’t hung out with Crabbe or Goyle at all and he owled me over the summer apologizing for calling me a mudblood.” Hermione says before Harry can say anything that might give secrets away. 

“Hmm, that’s weird” Ron ponders. 

BNB

Potions leaves Neville in tears. 

“Why does he have to be such a bully” Ron fumes. 

“I tell myself I’m going to try but then I just get so scared around him I freeze up and forget everything.” Neville admits. “I might as well be a squib” he sighs. 

“No way, Neville. You're wonderful in Herbology, it’s just Potions, and really that’s not your fault” Hermione encourages. 

Neville shoots her a watery smile. 

Harry frowns knowing a squib is one of the insults his grandmother throws at him. He makes a mental note to bring it up when they talk that night. 

BNB

Defense Against The Dark Arts turns out to be their most interesting class yet. Lupin leads them to the staff room where Snape sneers at them. 

“Be careful with Mr. Longbottom, everything he touches goes wrong” he spats heading to the door. 

“Actually I think I’ll have Neville demonstrate the task for me first” Lupin challenges making Snape scowl as he strides out. 

Lupin asks about Boggarts before explaining the spell to repel them. 

“Neville, you’ll be first. Don’t worry, I believe in you” he says. Neville steps forward after stating Snape as his worse fear. Neville gets a little worried thinking of his grandmother but Professor Lupin tells him to focus on the clothing, not her. Harry laughs with everyone else at the sight of his guardian in a dress. 

They all line up eagerly. Harry worries that perhaps his uncle or worse Dudley will show up but as his turn nears he remembers the dementor from the train. He takes a shaky breath and steps up. Lupin is suddenly in front of him, the boggart focusing on him before Neville finishes it off. 

\- See he knows how weak you are – the voice in Harry's head supplies.   
\- Probably can’t stand the sight of you –   
\- Fuck up –   
\- Worthless – 

 

The thoughts just keep flying through his head as he walks with the others to their tower, ignoring their happy chatter. He tells the others he's heading to bed and goes to the dorm room, alone with his thoughts. Neville joins him soon after. 

“I don’t believe the Professor meant anything by stepping in front of you” he tells Harry once Harry has erected the silencing charms. 

“He probably thinks I’m a worthless coward” Harry surmises grimly. 

“Uh no, he probably thought Voldemort would make an appearance” Neville counters. 

Harry shrugs but Neville doesn’t try to argue it again. 

Harry tells him of Draco and his conversation. Neville agrees to go to Madam Pomfrey if Narcissa agrees to help. 

BNB

Remus Lupin liked to think he was a somewhat reasonable person, despite the monster that brewed inside, which is why he forces himself to take a calming breathe before waltzing into Severus Snape's office. 

“Oh yes please just come right in, make yourself at home” said man drawls sarcastically. 

Lupin manfully resists rolling his eyes and settles for a glare and crossed arms. 

Snape sighs irritably. “What do you want, Lupin” he snaps. 

“I want to know why after your Hogwarts years you would bully a child so much that his worse fear is you” Lupin asks stiffly. 

A flicker of concern passes Snape's face before forming into a scowl. “I am not a bully” he disputes. 

Lupin lets out an unamused snort. “Look I'm aware that you are a spy and can't be a cuddly soft teddy bear but considering how you were treated I would think you wouldn’t treat someone else the same” Lupin lectures. 

“How do you know I’m a spy” Snape hisses. 

Lupin gives in, rolling his eyes. “As if Dumbledore would keep you here if you were an actual Death Eater.” He says as if it’s obvious. 

Snape shrugs. 

“Are you just going to ignore the bully aspect I brought up. I know you hated James but that’s no reason to take that hatred out on Harry.” Lupin continues. 

“I do not hate Harry” Snape claims, voice softer than Lupin would have though capable. 

“Oh come on Severus, I’ve heard how you treated him the last two years.” Lupin scoffs. 

“I know. I admit I was blinded by the childish feud and took that out on Harry perhaps if I hadn’t I would have stopped it earlier.” Snape admits, voice full of regret. 

“Stopped what? Severus what happened” Lupin begs, panicked slightly. 

“I’m Harry's guardian, his relatives didn’t treat him well” Snape explains, snarling the word relatives. 

Lupin goes white seeming to sink into himself. “He swore to me he would be safe” he whispers, briefly closing his eyes.

“Don’t go there Lupin. I, I will back off from Longbottom. I dislike being associated as a bully. Though I daresay your mental image will stay with him awhile” Snape admits, scowling. 

Lupin fights and fails to keep the smirk from his face. 

“If that’s all I do have actual work to do as I'm sure you do as well” Snape dismisses. 

Lupin nods and heads to his own office, thoughts trailing over the new information. 

BNB 

Harry receives an owl at breakfast the next morning. 

Dear Harry,   
Draco told me of your concerns for another student, if they are willing to come forward I will do everything in my power to help them.   
Aunt Cissa.

 

Harry shows Neville who pales and then seemingly pulls on a brave face handing Harry the letter. 

“I’m afraid I’m not feeling quite well, Harry would you mind accompanying me to the infirmary” Neville says loudly enough for their other friends to hear. 

“Sure, mate. No problem” he offers and they walk in silence. 

“How may I help you boys” madam Pomfrey says upon their entrance.

“I, uh, I would like to report a case of abuse” Neville squeaks out, breathing heavily. Harry grasps his hand gently. 

Madam Pomfrey understands immediately. 

“Alright, Mr. Longbottom. I will need to examine you for evidence. Is it physical or is there a sexual aspect” Madam Pomfrey asks gently. Harry flinches slightly at her words. 

Neville eyes him before turning to the matron. 

“Physical, ma'am and there are only bruises on my back” he explains softly. 

“Alright, do you consent to an examination then” she asks. 

“Yes ma'am, may Harry stay, please” he requests. 

“Of course, just make sure to move if I need to get closer to him” she tells Harry who nods. 

Once the exam and questioning are finished both boys are given the rest of the day off. 

“Things are different because of the standing my grandmother has in the community. But I'm not sure why no charges were pressed against your family.” Neville explains as they walk back to Gryffindor tower. 

“Mr. Potter, Mr. Longbottom, loitering in the halls are we, follow me to my office” Snape's voice rings out. Both follow him in complete silence. 

“I am aware that you know of my guardianship” Snape tells Neville, once back in his office. 

Neville releases a breath he didn't know he was holding. 

“I wanted to apologize for the way I have treated you, Neville. I received a note from your grandmother asking me to be hard on you when you began school 3 years ago. I should have drawn my own conclusions, I hope that you can forgive me. I cannot be kind in front of others but I promise to neither be cruel as I have been.” Snape explains. 

Neville gapes at him before finally speaking up. 

“Thank you sir for apologizing. I don't really know what else to say” Neville admits. Snape smiles slightly. 

“Thank you, for your forgiveness, if you don't mind I would like a word with Harry alone please, you may wait in the corridor if you’d like.” Snape requests. Neville nods and leaves.

“Am I in trouble, sir” Harry asks apprehensively.

“No, I wanted to tell you that I am proud of you for helping your classmate. I believe you've come a long way over the summer. May I give you a hug” Snape asks. 

Harry nods, feeling a bit dumbfounded. 

Neville and Harry walk back quickly to their dorm room both relieved to have not run into anyone else. 

“Harry, can I ask you something? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want” Neville requests breaking the silence they'd been sitting in. 

“Sure, I guess” Harry responds. 

“Well it’s just, when Madam Pomfrey mentioned sexual abuse, you flinched and I know it’s probably really personal but did that happen too” Neville asks nervously. 

Harry shrugs. “Well my cousin and my uncle both had sex with me, my uncle just as punishment but my cousin did it a lot” he says shamefully. 

“Harry mate, that’s not sex, that’s rape” Neville tries. 

“No, that only happens to girls, besides I deserved it because I uh well I like boys” Harry says quickly, his face reddening. 

Neville stiffens and he stays silent a minute. 

“Do you think I deserve that, Harry” he asks softly. 

“What, no of course not” Harry says hotly. 

Neville holds up his hand in defense. “Well then neither did you. I’m gay too. Grandmother does not know. And rape can happen to anyone. I remember before Hogwarts the school I attended had these people come and talk about it. They explained it like this, no one has permission to touch you without you saying ok first. Even if it’s just a hug, you have the right to say no. If that’s ignored then its abusive.” Neville explains. 

Harry feels his eyes watering. 

“I can tell people no to touching me” he whispers. 

Neville nods. 

Harry bursts into tears. 

“Is it alright for me to hug you right now” Neville asks worriedly. 

Harry wraps his arms around himself and shakes his head. 

“Ok, that’s ok” he assures and then sits in silence as Harry’s tears dwindle. 

“I’m sorry” he mumbles. 

“Its ok. I know you probably don’t want to tell anyone and I kinda understand. You remember Professor Lockhart, he touched me a couple of times” Neville admits shamefully. 

“Oh I think maybe he did me too, I don’t really remember much cause the tea he gave me always made me feel weird” Harry tells him. 

Neville sniffles. 

“I uh could really use that hug now, if you still want to.” Harry says shyly. 

Neville smiles and they hug, each breathing a bit more easily. 

BNB

Despite feeling as though he'd failed in the first class, Defense Against The Dark Arts becomes Harry’s favorite class. Lupin makes classes interesting and gets them involved. 

Harry still feels like he’s not good at much and throws himself into Quidditch practice. Wood practically preens at him and works the others just as hard, desperate to win the Cup for his last year. 

BNB

Halloween brings the first Hogsmeade visit and everyone is chattering in excitement while Harry feels more depressed than he has all year. 

“Are you sure you can’t go” Ron pleads. 

Harry huffs. “I told you my guardian thinks it’s too dangerous” he reminds him. 

Ron opens his mouth but Hermione cuts him off. 

“Well maybe they'll catch Black before the next one and then you can come with us.” She says cheerfully. 

Neville offers a shoulder bump since Harry wasn’t wanting hugs at the moment. 

Harry gives them a fake smile and watches them leave before dropping it with a sigh. He wanders the corridor thinking of perhaps visiting Hedwig when a voice calls out to him. He sees it’s Professor Lupin and follows him to his classroom. 

“Would you like some tea” he offers as they sit. Harry thinks of Lockhart and shudders. 

“Er, no thanks, I don’t know why but it makes me feel funny in this room” Harry tells him. 

Lupin frowns. “What do you mean, Harry” he inquires gently. 

“Well Professor Lockhart invited me over for tea a lot last year and it made feel all fuzzy but I don’t remember much after that except I always wanted to shower when I left” Harry explains before taking a breathe and looking down. “Sometimes, sometimes I remember he'd be sitting really close” he admits in a whisper. After an awkward moment of silence he glances up and recoils at the frozen anger shining on Lupin's face. 

“I, I'm sorry sir, I'll drink the tea I promise” Harry stutters out flinching as this seems to bring the older man back to life. 

“No, no, no, it’s ok, Harry. I’m not angry with you” Lupin rushes to assure. His heart dropping at the sight of the boy cringing in front of him. He quickly realizes the boy is devolving into a panic attack. He slowly sits in front of him careful not to touch him despite wanting to just gather him into a hug. 

“Shh, it’s ok Harry, breathe for me cub” he instructs, the endearment slipping out automatically. “In and out” he continues watching as Harry slowly calms down. He sees the moment the boy realizes he'd freaked out. 

“I’m sorry, sir” he mumbles, face turning red. 

“Its quite alright, Harry, panic attacks can’t be helped.” Lupin assures. 

Harry looks at him quizzically. “What’s a panic attack” he asks. 

“Well it’s what just happened. They come in many forms. Sometimes it's that feeling when you can’t breathe, your heart feels like it’s going to rip right out of your chest, or when the edges of your vision go blurry and white, sometimes it can be explosive anger or irritation.” Lupin explains in true teaching form. 

“Oh well that happens a lot” Harry admits slowly. 

Lupin does not know what to say to that. So he changes the subject a little hoping it doesn't send him back into a panic. “Er, Harry when you were with Lockhart, do you remember him touching you at all” he questions cautiously. 

Harry looks away giving a single nod.

“Why didn’t you mention it to anyone” Lupin pries gently hoping he doesn’t sound accusing. 

“Tell them what, it wasn’t that bad, least not what I remember, worse things have happened” Harry admits dismissively. 

Lupin’s eyes bulge and he has a hard time reigning in the sudden furious burst of anger. 

“I, I don’t want to talk about it” Harry interjects. 

“Ok, we won’t then. Is there something you did want to talk about?” Lupin asks easily, though he wants to ask more about those worse things. 

“Um well I was wondering why you didn’t let me face the boggart” Harry asks, relieved that the professor didn’t pressure him. 

*”Well I would have thought that would be obvious” Lupin replies* but frowns as that makes Harry curl into himself. 

“Because I’m too weak” he whispers lowly enough that Lupin barely catches it. 

“What, no, of course not, Harry. Why would you, no just no. I thought it would have been Voldemort” Lupin explains, a pain forming in his chest at the thought of how low Harry seems to think of himself. 

“Oh I actually didn’t really think about him. I thought of well one thing but then as it was nearing my turn I thought of the dementor from the train” Harry tells him. 

“Really, well that's amazing, Harry it suggests that what you fear most is fear, you’re very brave” Lupin praises. Harry snorts in disbelief but before Lupin can address it, a knock at the door interrupts. 

Lupin is hard pressed not to smile at the pouty scowl that forms on Harry's face when Snape enters with the potion for him. 

“Thank you, Severus” Lupin says settling the goblet on his desk.

“Hello Harry” Snape says cordially. 

Harry looks from one professor to the other in confusion. 

“He's aware that I’m your guardian” Snape explains. 

Harry nods, his scowl returning. “Well I was just talking with Professor Lupin, since you know, I’m not allowed in Hogsmeade.” He spouts bitterly. 

Lupin bites his lip to keep from smiling. 

Snape glares at Harry causing him to shrink back slightly but not panicking.

“We talked about that, Harry. Perhaps your time would be better spent studying for classes” he orders gently. 

Harry’s shoulders slump but he nods. “Bye, Professor Lupin” he offers before slipping out of the room, not a word to Snape. 

Lupin chuckles once he’s sure Harry can’t hear him. “He’s certainly not happy with you” he smirks. 

Snape nods. “Honestly, it’s somewhat of a relief to see him disagree with me. I prefer it over paralyzing fear.” He admits sitting across from Lupin. 

“What do you know about Gilderoy Lockhart” Lupin asks seriously. 

Snape snorts. “That dunderhead never should have been hired but he ended up obliviating himself at the end of the term when attempting the spell on Harry and the Weasley boy” he explains. “Why” he asks seeing how rigidly Lupin is sitting. 

“Oh I think he did way more than that” Lupin spats and explains his conversation with Harry. 

Snape stands to pace. “ He's been through so much, it’s a wonder he's still so kind and gentle.” He says. 

“Harry also said he'd experienced worse, why exactly did you have him removed from his relatives.” Lupin asks voice demanding answers. 

“I don’t know that it’s my place to tell you but the way things are headed you may well end up with custody of him.” Snape answers. He goes on to explain the flinching in first year and how he practically ignored it. “ You heard of his entrance, last year” he questions. 

Lupin nods. 

“Well he was very desperate to not be expelled. He offered me his belt and got into position truly believing I would, as if I ever could” Snape trails off. 

“I’m glad you were able to get him away from that, do you know if there was a sexual aspect as well” Lupin questions despite the wince it brings.

“Nothing concrete but he ran from my manor before summer's end because I pressed the questioning of his nightmares about his cousin. He thought I was going to teach him a lesson that involved the bed” Snape summarizes, paling at the memory. 

Lupin growls. “ I will do everything in my power to keep him from those monsters.” He swears. 

Snape nods. “Drink that potion, I’ll bring you more tomorrow” he tells him and takes his leave. 

BNB

Harry is working on an essay for Charms when Ron, Hermione and Neville return, arms full of goodies for him. 

He feels a bit better as he heads to the feast. 

Draco pulls him aside to their designated meeting spot, giving him even more candy. “Sorry Uncle Sev won’t allow you to come” he apologizes. 

Harry shrugs. 

“And I’m sorry that Flint won’t stop mocking you. I wish that I could prove his arm is perfectly fine.” Draco pouts bitterly. 

“It's not your fault. You don’t act like that anymore, I suppose you never really wanted to” Harry assures. 

Draco nods and they separate. 

Harry ignores the jabs from Flint and his goons until another voice pops up causing everyone to look over. 

“Merlin's pants can't you guys find something else to harp on, I know you’re a bunch of bloody wankers but I think your tiny brains can manage” Draco screams before storming out of the hall. 

“Did, did he just defend you” Ron gasps. 

Harry smiles. “Like Hermione said, he’s different” 

Ron shrugs and they turn back to the feast. 

BNB

Harry feels his breathing go shallow when the paintings inform them that Sirius Black has been in the castle. 

“Are you alright, Harry” Hermione asks as they traipse to the Great Hall. 

Not wanting his friends to fuss over him he takes a breathe to steady himself and gives a smile. “I’m fine” he lies. Hermione looks like she might doubt him but doesn’t say anything. Neville falls asleep after telling him Narcissa had been by earlier and was in the process of getting custody of him.

“You ok” Draco whispers startling Harry by dragging his sleeping bag over to him. 

“You’re going to start getting bullied if you keep this up” Harry whispers back ignoring the asked question. 

“I don't care anymore, besides you’re totally flipping out right now” Draco determines. 

Harry's shoulders sag. “How'd you even know” he asks. 

“I guess because I panic the same way so I recognize the signs” Draco tells him. 

“Hmm that makes sense. I wonder if that’s why professor Lupin knew how to calm me down. I had what he called a panic attack in front of him” Harry wonders. 

“It’s possible, he looks ill quite a bit and I know Uncle Sev makes him some kind of potion” Draco answers. 

“And what did Severus have to say about your outburst at dinner” Harry asks.

“Eh he kinda figured it would happen eventually” Draco says, yawning. 

“Well I’m a bit calmer now, let’s try and get some sleep” Harry tell him.

Draco nods and they both drift off.

BNB

Two days later the Great Hall is buzzing with whispers. Harry notices Draco is not around. 

Hermione looks grim as he sits across from her. 

“What, what is it” he asks frantically. She turns the Daily Prophet towards him so he can read it. 

 

Lucius Malfoy – Accused Death Eater is also a family abuser  
Sources say not long before Malfoy was arrested he beat his own wife and child causing them to go into hiding. 

“Shit, I have to go” Harry exclaims and sneaks his way to Snape's office knowing he'd find Draco there. Snape rolls his eyes and sighs but lets him in anyway. 

Draco is sitting on the couch staring at his hands. 

“How are you holding up” Harry asks sitting on the couch as well. 

Draco shrugs. 

“How'd this get out” Harry asks looking to Snape for the answer. 

“Narcissa thinks it was Irma Crabbe, Vincent's mother, she saw them right after Lucius's arrest while they still both carried bruises.” Snape explains. 

Harry sighs. “ Do you have any support in your House” he asks. 

“I have Blaise, he’s the one who told me about the article” Draco answers softly. 

“You can always come hang out with me” Harry blurts out turning red as both Draco and Snape look at him in surprise.

“I highly doubt your friends would want that” Draco admits. 

“Neville obviously does, Hermione will be fine and Ron can come around or, or get lost” Harry tells him firmly. 

Draco smiles at that. 

“It’s probably a good idea Dragon, I won’t be able to be quite as friendly towards you. You can still come to me privately but be cautious about it” Snape tells him. Draco nods sadly. 

BNB

The next day Harry is surprised when Snape covers for Lupin's class. 

“Sir, where is Professor Lupin” Harry asks. 

“He's ill today” Snape answers with a sneer. 

Harry glares at Snape after he calls Hermione a know it all. He knows Snape can’t be friendly but it seems he's truly angry at Lupin and taking it out in his classes. 

As if the class hadn't been bad enough the news comes that instead of Slytherin they’ll be playing Hufflepuff in the horrid weather. 

After Hermione charms his glasses Harry feels hopeful that they’ll win until the black cloaked figures surround him. The last thing he hears as he falls is a woman's voice screaming his name. 

BNB

His head is pounding when he awakes. A groan slips out despite himself.

“Harry you’re awake” Hermione cries out happily. 

“What happened” Harry rasps, looking around to see most of his team standing there. 

“Er you fell off your broom. Dumbledore slowed your descent but you still hit pretty hard” George tells him worriedly. 

“No I meant did we win” Harry clarifies. The silence giving him the answer. “I'm so sorry” -worthless little shit- “I, the dementors, I just, I’m sorry” -can’t even do one thing right- “ I'll do better, I swear” Harry stutters out his mind flaying him more than anyone else could. 

“Harry, we aren’t angry, it’s ok” Angelina promises. 

Harry flinches away from her hand, looking down in shame. He startles at the two pairs of arms that are suddenly holding him. 

“Shh, it’s ok little brother” George whispers. 

“No one is going to harm you” Fred finishes. “Hugs are ok, right” he continues. 

Harry nods. 

They wait until Harry relaxes to withdraw their arms. He glances around quickly. 

“What about Wood” he asks softly. 

“Ah good ol' team captain agreed we lost fair and square even when Diggory tried to ask for a rematch. He won’t be angry with you either” George explains, easily guessing Harry's real question. 

Madam Pomfrey makes them all leave after Ron breaks the news of his destroyed broom. 

BNB

Harry startles awake at a hand on his shoulder. 

“It’s just me, are you alright” Snape asks softly. 

“I’m fine” Harry mumbles. 

“You were crying out in your sleep, do you want to talk about it” Snape offers. 

Harry shakes his head. 

“Alright, you know how to find me if you do” Snape reminds him running a hand through his hair until he falls back asleep. 

BNB

The next morning Harry wakes to Neville and Draco's worried faces.

“Hey” Harry says smiling. 

“Hey. We thought when you fell, we thought you were dead” Draco chokes out, eyes welling up with tears. 

“I'm sorry. I’m fine just sore” Harry promises. 

Draco opens his mouth to say something but is cut off. 

“What are you doing here” Ron asks angrily. Draco shrinks back prepared to leave. 

“Ron be nice, he's my friend” Harry demands with a scowl. 

“Yeah he's my friend as well.” Neville says. 

Ron looks back and forth between them before sighing and sitting on Harry's other side.

“You feeling better today” he asks awkwardly.

“Yeah, head still hurts but not as bad” Harry admits. 

They talk over trivial things for several more minutes before Ron takes his leave. 

“He hates me” Draco murmurs laying his head on Harry's bed. 

“No he's just suspicious right now. He’ll come around” Neville promises. 

Draco nods unbelievingly. They stay until Madam Pomfrey makes them leave. 

She keeps Harry all weekend and he is more than happy to be set free. 

BNB

Lupin is back in classes, looking a little worse for the wear and tells them they don’t have to do the essay Snape assigned. Harry stays to talk with him after class. 

“So I uh guess you heard what happened at the last game” He starts, rubbing his ear between his fingers. 

“I did, sorry to hear about your broom” Lupin says. 

Harry shrugs. “And the fact that Dementors were there” he continues, looking at his feet. 

“Oh yes, Dumbledore was quite furious with them, but that's not what you're asking is it” Lupin surmises. 

“Why do they affect me more than anyone else” Harry asks, hating how whiny he sounds. 

“It is not a weakness, Harry” Lupin tells him firmly.

Harry shrugs, not looking up. 

“Harry listen to me, it is not a weakness. You have been through so much. More than most adults can handle let alone a child” Lupin explains. 

“I, I think I hear my mom because of the Dementors” Harry admits in a whisper. 

A pained look crosses Lupin's face and he moves to put a hand on Harry’s shoulder, stopping when he flinches. 

“Sorry” Harry mutters. 

“It’s quite alright, Harry. I know you might not believe it immediately but I promise I will never hit you.” Lupin tells him. 

“On the train, you made that dementor go away. Could you teach me” Harry asks somewhat excitedly but face falling instantly. “I mean if you want to, I don’t want to be a burden” he continues shyly. 

Lupin wonders how much the boy holds himself back from things because of feeling like a burden. 

“I don’t propose to be an expert but I will teach you what I know. You aren’t a burden but if it’s ok we'll start after the holidays” Lupin tells him, smiling when Harry’s face lights up. 

BNB

“Are you sure he's not just trying to like get info on you or something” Ron asks referring to Draco. 

“Seriously Ron, why can’t you just get to know him” Harry asks angrily. 

“He was a jerk for two years and now suddenly he's ready to be all buddy, buddy. Sounds a little too good to be true” Ron tells him. 

“You know what Ron, you’re the one being a jerk. Draco has been through a lot and you keep making him feel unwelcome. Either get over this hatred you have or find another friend” Harry rants before storming out of the tower. Hermione follows him silently. He dives into a corner and she hesitates until she hears sniffling. 

“Harry” she calls cautiously sighing when he jerks his head up. 

She sits next to him. 

“Why can’t he just believe me” Harry sobs. 

“He'll come around, I think maybe he's just a little bit jealous.” Hermione tells him. 

“But you accept him” Harry counters. 

“Well I’m not jealous and I think he was just acting before, probably because of his father” Hermione tells him. 

Harry smiles.

“Now let’s go for a walk and maybe Ron will be less stubborn when we go back” she says. 

Harry’s feeling much calmer as they re-enter the tower. 

“Harry” Ron shouts and rushes towards them. Harry flinches back. 

“Sorry mate, didn’t mean to scare you. I just, you were right and I promise I’ll be nicer to Mal-, er, Draco. Neville told me what his mother has been doing” Ron tells him. Harry smiles feeling relieved. 

BNB

The five spend time together as the holidays draw near. Ron letting go of all his suspicions when Draco opts to stay for the holidays and keep Harry company with them.

BNB

Harry feels a bit down as the next Hogsmeade visit comes but wishes his friends well and heads back to the dorm. He yelps as arms pull him into a hidden corner. He smiles upon seeing it’s just Fred and George. 

“We reckon you needed cheering up mate” Fred begins. 

“Exactly so we wanted to give you your present early” George finishes and hands Harry a blank piece of parchment. 

“Uh thanks” He says, confused.

They laugh and show him what it is and how to use it. He happily sneaks into Honeydukes and finds his friends. 

“I can’t believe they never told me about this” Ron exclaims, smiling so Harry knows he's not angry. 

“You can’t keep it Harry, what if Black is around and sees you” Hermione admonishes. 

“They have dementors here every night, I doubt he'd hang around” Harry counters and Ron agrees. 

“I don't know Harry, what would er your guardian say” Draco chimes in nearly saying Snape's name. 

“Wait, you know who his guardian is” Ron hollers. Hermione hushes him. 

“It doesn’t matter right now. Since you're here let’s go get a butterbeer.” Neville determines. 

Harry nearly has a panic attack as the group of professors and the Minister sit not far away. His heart begins to feel like a vice has been squeezing it as he learns just what Black had done. The other four sit in silence after the professors leave, no one knowing what to say. They travel back to the school and meet back in the library. 

“He betrayed them” Harry says after a long tense silence. 

“I’m so sorry, Harry” Hermione apologizes first. 

“Yeah mate, I can’t imagine how you feel but you can’t, I mean you won’t try to go after him right” Ron asks worriedly. 

“No but if he comes after me again. I’ll be ready.” Harry avows darkly. 

“You don’t mean that, you wouldn’t actually kill him” Neville questions softly. 

“Maybe I will, you don’t understand. Do you know what I hear when the dementors are around?” he asks. 

The other four look at each other nervously. 

“I hear Voldemort laughing and my mother, I hear, I hear her voice pleading with him to not kill me” Harry sputters out brokenly. 

Hermione gasps, Ron’s face goes white and Neville pulls Harry into his arms after checking to see if it’s ok. 

“Lets focus on something else. Why don’t we go see Hagrid, it’s been a while” Draco suggests. 

“Hmm maybe, I’ll ask him why he didn’t tell me about Black himself” Harry says determinedly. The other four exchange a look of concern but follow him nonetheless. 

When they arrive they find Hagrid in tears. 

“What’s the matter, Hagrid” Hermione asks concerned. 

He sobs and points to a letter on the table. 

Draco picks it up and reads it quickly, his face paling. 

“The Flint family is calling for a trial for Buckbeak, saying he’s dangerous” Draco explains softly. Hagrid sets off in wails. 

“Oh Hagrid, it will be ok. Well research and find good reasons why he's not bad” Hermione promises, the rest agree. 

BNB

They spend the next few days researching. Christmas morning arrives and Harry startles at Draco standing over his bed grinning. 

“How'd you get in here” Ron gapes from across the room. 

Draco blushes. “Neville gave me the password so I could hang out with all of you” he admits. 

“Cool, presents?” Harry says to make it less awkward for Draco. They each turn to their own piles 

Harry smiles at the Unique Potions book from Snape and books about different brooms from Narcissa. He thanks Ron, Draco and Neville for their gifts. His mouth falls open at the last gift, a Firebolt. 

Hermione walks in with Crookshanks making Ron scowl and hide Scabbers.

“Who got you that, Harry” she asks. 

“We don’t know, there's not a note. Isn't it awesome” Harry exclaims. 

“I don’t know” Hermione begins but Crookshanks takes that moment to attack Scabbers. 

“Keep that evil cat out of here” Ron yells throwing a book at said cat. Hermione huffs and leaves. 

After lunch she says she has to talk with Professor McGonagall who then takes Harry's broom. 

Harry joins Ron in not talking to Hermione while Draco sides with her. Neville settles somewhat in between both groups. 

BNB

Harry is excited for classes to resume for once. He waits after Defense class and Lupin tells him a time to meet later in the week. 

“The key with dementors is happiness. They feed off of your worst memories so to repel them you must think of your happiest memory. 

Harry nods and thinks about riding his broom for the first time. 

He faints before the full ‘Expecto Patronum’ is fully spoken. 

“That’s quite alright, Harry” Lupin says at seeing his defeated face. He hands him a piece of chocolate. 

“Out of curiosity what memory were you thinking of” Lupin asks. 

“The first time I rode a broom” Harry says sheepishly. 

“Hmm” Lupin voices. “Shall we try again” he asks. Harry nods. 

\- Take Harry and run – a new voice adds to his mother’s scream. Harry comes to on the floor, Lupin sitting him back up. 

 

“Are you alright” he asks and Harry is embarrassed to realize he has tears streaking down his face. 

“Sorry, I just, it’s the first time I heard him, my dad that is” Harry admits. 

Lupin stiffens. “You heard James” he croaks. 

“Yeah, did, did you know him” Harry asks hesitantly. 

Lupin nods, clearing his throat around the invisible lump. “We were friends ” he admits softly. 

Silence pursues. 

“I think I know what memory I'll use” Harry says after a moment. 

“Are you sure you want to try again” Lupin asks. 

Harry nods. He concentrates on remembering when he was told he was a wizard. He manages to finally not pass out. 

“That’s great work, Harry.” Lupin praises. 

Harry blushes but says nothing for a moment. “If you knew my father, did you know Sirius Black too” he finally questions but regrets it when Lupin's face falls. 

“Yes I did. Uh I think perhaps that will be enough for tonight” he say abruptly changing the subject. 

Harry nods and heads back to his common room, interrupted by McGonagall who gives him back his broom. 

BNB

The next morning Ron comes screeching down the stairs. 

“Just look what your, your creature did” he yells at Hermione, holding up a bloody sheet. 

This seems to put an end to Ron and Hermione's friendship both firmly on each side of the argument. 

BNB

With the next Quidditch game approaching Harry feels more confident with his lessons from Lupin.

The game begins as usual and then Harry sees the floating black cloaks. Without second though he casts his patronus then catches the Snitch winning the game. Everyone surrounds him cheering. 

“Amazing ” a voice says and Harry turns to see Lupin smiling at him. 

“I didn’t even feel any fear this time” Harry admits proudly. 

“Er well” Lupin begins. 

“It wasn’t really Dementors, it was the moronic trio” Draco interrupts gleefully. 

Harry follows his gaze to Flint, Crabbe, and Goyle crumpled in the ground. McGonagall lecturing furiously over them. Harry laughs. 

The party in Gryffindor tower is in full swing when Harry notices Hermione sitting alone with a pile of books. 

“Hey” he says sitting next to her. 

“Hi Harry. You were amazing out there” she tells him. 

“Thanks, come join the party. You’ve been studying like crazy all week. One night off won’t hurt” Harry suggests. 

Hermione shakes her head. “I, no I just can't. I have so much to do. Besides I don’t think Ron would appreciate it much” she says softly.

Right on cue Ron speak loudly. “And if Scabbers was still alive he'd be enjoying this party” he huffs. Hermione's eyes fill with tears and she runs up the stairs to her dorm. 

“Come on Ron can’t you give her a break” Neville pleads.

“If she'd apologize then maybe I would” Ron huffs turning back to the party. 

Harry sighs but doesn’t try to convince him. After they finally go to bed Harry has a nightmare. 

Possible triggering section

\- *“Come on, Dudley, I don’t want to” Harry whimpers.   
Dudley laughs harshly, slapping Harry across the face. “I don’t care what you want. You're nothing. Do as I said or I’ll make sure Father beats you to death” he promises.   
Harry sniffles but drops to his knees as told. *

 

End trigger

Harry jerks falling out of bed at Ron’s scream. 

“It was Sirius Black” Ron swears, face pale. 

A search of the castle comes up empty and Harry just wants to forget it all for a while. 

BNB

The next Hogsmeade visit he takes the invisibility cloak and scares Flint, Crabbe and Goyle outside of the Shrieking Shack. His cloak slips allowing them to see his face. He hurries back to Hogwarts and is about to enter the Gryffindor tower when a throat clears behind him making him jump. 

Professor Snape is standing with his arms crossed and a furious look on his face. 

“With me, Potter” he hisses and turns away, billowing down the hall. 

Harry follows him to his office where Snape grabs his arm roughly pulling him into the room and slamming the door. He lets him go and begins pacing. 

“Of all the idiotic things to do, I can’t believe you willingly” Snape begins to rant but pauses upon seeing Harry pressed against the wall, breath coming in short huffs. The anger drains out of him. “Damn it” he mutters before approaching Harry slowly. “Breathe with me Harry” he says calmly, feeling relieved when he obeys. He guides him to the couch. 

“I’m sorry for getting angry. I shouldn’t have grabbed you. No violence, right” Snape reassures. 

Harry nods. 

“I panicked when Vincent told me he saw you in Hogsmeade. You know how dangerous that is, why?” Snape questions.

“I wasn’t in Hogsmeade” Harry tries. 

Snape raises an eyebrow. “Empty your pockets, now” he demands.

Harry sighs but obeys. Snape picks up a couple pieces of candy. 

“And the cloak” he orders.

Harry hands it to him.

“You can have this back when I believe you won’t be reckless with your life. Now what’s this” Snape asks picking up the map. 

Harry remains silent and watches as the map insults his guardian. 

Snape frowns and Floo-calls Lupin. 

“Harry” Lupin says seeing him first. “What did you need Severus” he asks turning to Snape. 

“Harry was seen in Hogsmeade. When I asked him to empty his pockets, he had this. Since Dark Arts is your specialty I thought you should look at it.” Snape explains. 

An odd look passes across Lupin’s face at seeing the map. 

“Hmm, well if you are finished with Harry, I need to speak with him as well” Lupin says. 

Snape nods. 

“Come along then Harry” Lupin says and they Floo back to his office. 

“What did you think you were doing using this map to get out of Hogwarts where you are safe” Lupin questions sternly. 

“You know it’s” Harry begins. 

“Yes I know it’s a map. I can’t believe you would put yourself in danger like this” Lupin interrupts, his voice growing louder as he speaks. 

He turns back to Harry who flinches slightly. 

“Hey now, I may be upset with you but I will never hurt you” Lupin promises. “However I will be keeping this.” He says gesturing to the map. 

Harry nods and Lupin dismisses him. 

\- God you’re so pathetic, now you have nothing- the voice in his head supplies.

 

“Did you get in trouble” Neville asks when he runs into him and Ron. 

Harry nods and explains leaving Snape taking his cloak out. 

“So Lupin has the map and he knew what it was?” Ron questions.

“Yeah, not sure today could get worse ” Harry says as they approach Hermione and Draco, who both look upset. 

“Buckbeak’s been sentenced to death” Draco informs them. 

BNB

The day of execution arrives, Draco ends up in detention for fighting with Slytherin housemates so Ron, Hermione, Neville and Harry head out to be with Hagrid. 

“Why can’t we just use your cloak” Ron whispers after they're nearly caught. 

“Uh, my guardian has it. He came after my Hogsmeade visit” Harry lies. 

“What that’s not possible, you haven’t been alone” Ron argues. 

“Come on, he can explain it later” Hermione says exasperatedly. Ron rolls his eyes but agrees. 

They find Scabbers before Hagrid hurries them our the back door. 

“Ron don’t you have something to say to Hermione” Neville reprimands

Ron sighs and nods. “Look Hermione, I, I’m sorry” he admits as they head towards the castle. 

Hermione nods but before she can say anything Scabbers bites Ron and runs off, followed by Crookshanks. 

“Come back” Ron hollers and runs after them both. 

“Ron” Harry and Neville both yell, chasing after him with Neville.

Harry is on the brink of a panic attack after the huge black dog drags Ron under the Whomping Willow. 

“Harry breathe, come on its going to be ok” Neville tries to calm him, though his own voice is shaking. He grabs Harry’s hand gently, allowing him to pull back if he wanted. 

“Look, it’s Crookshanks” Hermione whispers and they watch in amazement as the cat shows them how to follow where the dog had dragged Ron. 

Harry lunges upon seeing Sirius Black in the place of the black dog. 

“You’re the reason my parents are dead” he screams in anguish, slamming a fist against Blacks face. Black pushes him away and Harry comes back with his wand pointed at him. 

“Going to kill me, Harry” Black questions softly. 

“I, I should. You killed my parents and, I had to live with those people” Harry shouts, tears running down his face. 

“Please just let me explain, you don’t know the whole story” Black begs. 

Before Harry or the others can say anything the door bursts open, Lupin on the other side. He knocks Harry’s wand away. 

“Where is he” he asks. Black points at Ron, further confusing the others. Neville moves to stand near Harry.

“You never did anything, did you” Lupin says voice etched with pain. 

Black shakes his head. 

“What’s going on” Harry asks frantically. He watches in horror as Lupin helps Black up and embraces him, a choked “I’m sorry” uttered from his lips. 

“NO, I, YOU, NO” Hermione screeches.

“Harry step away from him, he's, he’s a werewolf” Hermione says voice shaking. 

Black startles them all with a hysterical laugh. “Still not so subtle, hey Moony” he says. 

“Hush Sirius, Hermione is correct I am a werewolf. It was the essay wasn't it” Lupin asks calmly. 

Hermione nods. 

“You’re friends with him, you’ve been helping him” Harry assumes, his voice laced with hurt. 

“No until tonight I wrongly believed he had betrayed us all. I saw the map though.” Lupin begins to explain his voice shaky. 

“What did you see” Harry asks hesitantly. 

“Peter Pettigrew” Lupin answers grimly. 

“But he killed Pettigrew” Neville insists

“The map never lies” Lupin says. 

“The map, you found it” Black asks curiously. 

“No he took it from me” Harry days bitterly. 

“So Prongslet had the map huh” Black says wistfully. 

Harry gapes at him, momentarily forgetting his anger. 

“You called him Moony, you, he made the map” He puts together. 

Lupin nods. “Your father, Prongs, myself, Moony, Sirius, Padfoot and Peter, Wormtail. See they figured out my condition and became illegal Animagus. Peter's was or is a rat.” Lupin explains. The trio look at Scabbers. 

“No way, I mean, it can’t be, right” Ron protests. 

“There’s one way to find out, let us see the rat, if it’s just a rat, it won’t harm him” Lupin pleads. 

Ron sighs but nods. Scabbers squeaks and tries to run for it. 

Lupin and Black change him back into Peter. 

“My, my friends” Pettigrew squeaks. Black lunges stopped by Lupin. 

“No, Harry deserves an explanation” he reminds him. Black nods. 

“Remus, it was all Sirius, you don't think I’d betray them” Pettigrew whined. 

“LIAR, WE CHANGED TO YOU BEING THE SECRET KEEPER AS THE LESS OBVIOUS CHOICE AND THEY WOUND UP DEAD” Black roars. Pettigrew cowers away. 

“No, if that were true wouldn’t he have told you” He begs Lupin who pulls away. 

“Not if they thought I might be the spy” he says grimly. 

Black grimaces but nods. “I’m sorry” he gasps. 

Lupin nods. “As am I for ever believing it to have been you” he says, voice wavering. 

“Harry do you believe us now” Black asks hesitantly. 

Harry nods and both men move towards the rat like man. 

“NO” he yells. 

They pause and look toward him inquisitively.

“I know, I know he deserves it but without him there's no proof it wasn't Sirius” Harry explains. “We'll give him to the dementors” he continues. 

Once agreed upon and Ron's leg is bound as best can be they head out the tunnel. 

“Harry, I don’t suppose you'd want to come live with me once it’s all cleared up. I am your godfather after all” Black asks Harry as they walk. 

“I don't, are you sure you want me” Harry asks unsure. 

“What of course I do, why on earth wouldn’t I” Black asks incredulously. 

“I, you don’t even know me, and well I’m not a good kid” Harry explains.

“Who the f” Black begins but is jerked out of the hole by none other than Severus Snape. 

“Well, look what we have here” he sneers. 

“Let me go Snivellus. I’m innocent and here comes my proof” Black snarls as Lupin exits with a tied-up Pettigrew. 

“Likely story, who'd you get to Polyjuice for you” Snape questions. 

Ron and Hermione protest. 

“You two will be quiet, you’re in enough trouble already” Snape cuts them off. 

Harry recognizes it as an act and stays silent. Lupin gasps causing everyone to turn to him. 

They all watch in horror as he begins to change. 

“Get them the hell out of here” Black orders Snape as Pettigrew transforms and slips away. Black draws werewolf Lupin away long enough for Snape to prod the four towards the castle. He transforms a stretcher for Ron. Harry starts to take off but is grabbed by Snape. 

“No Harry” he tells him sternly. 

Without giving it much thought, Harry kicks Snape in the shin and takes the moment to run. Neville following closely behind.

Upon finding Black by the lake he tries to cast his Patronus but passes out beside his godfather and Neville.

He awakes by smacking foreheads with Neville.

“Ow” he cries. 

“Sorry, what happened where’s Sirius” Harry asks frantically. 

Before Neville can answer the door bursts open Hermione rushes in faster than normal. 

“They’re going to administer the kiss” she pants out. 

“No they can't” Neville cries. 

Dumbledore enters and they beg him to help. 

“I’m afraid there’s not much I can do; however, I believe some time will help the three of you. Three turns to be exact” he says with a wink. 

Hermione nods. 

“Here wrap this around your necks” she says pulling a long stringed necklace out from around her own neck. 

“A bloody time-turner, what the hell Hermione” Neville mutters once they arrive back in time. 

“No time to explain, where were we at this time” she asks. 

“Going to Hagrid's” Harry answers. 

They save Buckbeak and then Sirius and other Harry when Harry produces his patronus. 

“I saved us” Harry says in astonishment.

“I told you, Harry you're a great wizard” Hermione says. 

“Yeah that was amazing, Harry” Neville compliments before they fly to save current Sirius. 

“You three should not be here, however I am grateful that you are. Harry I want to speak with you briefly please” Sirius asks. 

Harry nods.

\- He’s just going to tell you how worthless you truly are –   
\- Doubt he wants you now –   
\- You’re so pathetic – the voice continued to berate him. 

“I’m so proud of you, Harry. It may be a while before you can live with me, me being on the run and all but I promise I do want you, despite what you seem to think. I need to know, are you safe with your guardians.” Sirius asks. 

Harry thinks of Snape and wonders if he'll get sent back to his relatives for his actions. “Yes, I am” he says despite being unsure. He feels it’s worth it when Sirius sags in relief. 

He squeezes his shoulder gently and is off. The three arrive back in the infirmary with seconds to spare. 

Thirty minutes pass before an uproar is heard and Fudge stomps into the room grabbing Harry by the shoulders. 

“What – Did – You – do” he snarls. 

Harry turns pales trying not to cry. 

“Cornelius, let him go at once” Madame Pomfrey demands. 

Fudge obeys, scowling at the three. 

“None of these children have left this room so whatever you think they've done, you are incorrect” she continues to lecture. 

“Sirius Black has escaped, are you sure they haven’t left” Fudge begs. 

“They have not” she swears. Fudge nods and stomps out of the room.

About an hour later Ron wakes up and Draco arrives, they explain everything including Snape being Harry’s guardian. 

“Well he was before I kicked him, I don’t know if he'll still want me” Harry says once it’s just him and Neville. 

“I don’t think he'd kick you out but I can guarantee he’s not going to be happy.” Neville surmises. “He won’t hurt you though” he rushes to add upon seeing Harry’s face fill with terror.   
BNB

Snape wakes Harry up later that night. 

“Hello sir” Harry says eyes focused on his lap. 

“Its Severus, Harry” Snape corrects. 

“But I thought” Harry begins. 

Snape chuckles slightly. “You thought I'd be done with you for kicking me” he finishes. 

Harry nods. 

“Well you don’t get out of punishment that easily” he says sternly. 

Harry flinches at the hand on his shoulder. 

“Still no violence, child. However you did break a major rule, care to tell me what it was” Snape questions. 

“I put myself in danger” Harry answers softly. 

“Correct indeed. Since this had extenuating circumstances I won’t ground you. I will have you writing some lines, two feet of ‘I will not put myself in danger’ and one foot ‘there are people who care about me and would miss me’. Is that understood” Snape explains. 

“Yes Severus. I'm sorry for kicking you and worrying you” Harry apologizes timidly. 

“Thank you, I accept your apology. Now I need you to listen to me. With Pettigrew on the run, he'll likely turn to me for help so you’ll be unable to stay in my manor this summer. This is in no way a punishment, ok” Snape begins to explain. 

Harry feels his heart start to beat more rapidly. “Yes sir, I understand” he says voice wavering.

Snape sighs. “Professor Lupin has volunteered to take you in” he tells him. 

Harry looks to him bewildered. “I don’t have to go back to the Dursleys” he asks hesitantly. 

“What no, of course not Harry. You will not ever return to that place, understand” Snape promises fiercely. 

Harry sighs and ends up falling asleep to Snape stroking his hair. 

BNB

The next morning finds a ragged and angry Remus Lupin in Dumbledore's office. 

“Remus, you really should be getting some rest” Dumbledore tries. 

Lupin pins him with a glare. “I sat in this very chair and told you that he wasn't guilty. You promised me you had the right man” he ranted. 

The twinkle in Dumbledore’s eyes diminished. “I was wrong, I’m sorry Remus” he apologizes. 

Lupin shakes his head. “There wasn't even a trial. I spent 12 years thinking the person I loved most had betrayed me. I can’t just get over this, Albus. I quit and Harry is coming to live with me” He states firmly. 

Dumbledore sighs but doesn’t try to argue. 

Lupin storms out and heads to the infirmary. Harry is sitting on Ron's bed when he enters. 

“Hello Professor” they say in unison. 

“Hello Ron. Er, may I borrow a few moments of your time, Harry.” Lupin asks nervously. 

Harry nods they walk to a private section. 

“I was wondering if you'd be alright with living with me for the summer” Lupin asks. 

“I, well, I mean, are you sure you want me, I don’t want to cause you trouble” Harry sputters. 

Lupin interprets that to mean ‘I'm a burden’. “Of course I'm sure, it’s just, I wasn’t sure if you’d be ok with it now that you know about me” he admits. 

Harry turns his startling green eyes to him, making a rare instance of eye contact. “Why would that matter” he asks sincerely. 

Lupin breathes a sigh of relief and smiles. “You are definitely your parents child. They'd be proud to see who you've become.” He says and Harry smiles. “Ok well I need to make preparations for the house so I will pick you up at Kings Cross” he tells him. 

“Ok, but what about classes” Harry worries. 

Lupin winces slightly. “Well the headmaster and I have had a disagreement, I’ve resigned.” He explains his voice making it clear not to press the subject. 

Harry nods and only slightly flinches when Lupin rustled his hair before leaving. 

BNB

Time flies by and they’re soon back at Kings Cross. 

“Have a great summer, Harry” Hermione says hugging him and heading off with her parents. 

“Goodbye Potter” Draco attempts to sneer but ruins it with a grin and walks off towards Narcissa. 

Neville hugs him and follows Draco. 

“Hey mate, you want me to wait until Professor Lupin arrives?” Ron asks. 

“I’ll be alright, have a good summer” Harry says and Ron makes his way towards the rest of his family. 

Harry wanders through the crowd startling at the hand on his shoulder. He looks up into the angry eyes of his Uncle. 

“We need to talk, boy” Vernon sneers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Talk of abuse both physical and sexual, not graphic  
> Victim blaming - specifically Harry saying and believing guys can't be raped  
> Talk of consent   
> If anything else needs to be added please let me know  
> Oh and uh sorry for the cliffhanger, I couldn't resist


	5. Not a chapter, sorry

Ugh I hate authors notes and yet here I am. I have not nor will I give up on this story. - read further if you want long ass explanation - 

However I'm having to relearn my process so to speak for writing. I've been told I have carpal tunnel which I thought wasn't a big deal but it's actually pretty bad and I can't handle much writing without a lot of pain. I guess I'm really old school or whatever in that I start by writing chapters out on paper then move to a computer/phone by typing. It enables me to get my thoughts out more quickly and then refine it as I rewrite/type it. Not being able to do this has significantly thrown me off my muse. I dont know why but its very difficult to do on my phone, I guess because it's slower and I don't have much computer access. As it stands I have about a third of a chapter typed out. I do know that I have updated within this year so I'm not sure why it says May 2017 but whatever. If anyone is still interested I am trying to continue but have no idea how long it will take. I suppose that getting out of an abusive relationship, not romantic, probably has contributed to lack of updates but I still feel like it shouldn't be that big of a deal, i mean honestly she never hit me so its just weird to even call it abusive. Anyway sorry for all this, ill try to do better


End file.
